Forgiveness
my dad is an alcoholic. and i’ve accepted that for the past 15 years of my life. what i’ve not accepted is my dad AS my dad because of it. i’ve seperated any good part of my life from him. i have a handful of happy memories that involved my dad. so since Nettie’s been born she’s seen him a few times and i’ve talked to him a few times and thats been the majority of our relationship. the past 2 years my dad has gotten really sick from his bad liver and now he’s on the liver transplant list. he’s just waiting for a donor. and i’ve been bitter and resentful and i’ve thought its ridiculous that HE should get a free liver when there’s people out there that need them and aren’t alcoholics and didn’t ruin their own livers. and i really never thought twice that i was saying these things about my own father. i guess i felt justified as he never really took an active roll in my life…or Nettie or matts life for that matter. and i felt like if he didn’t really ever “care” about us why should i burden myself with worrying about him? yesterday my mom told me she called my dad (they’re divorced and he’s remarried) and she said he sounded very confused. and that his wife bathes him and feeds him and the 1st thing i thought of was how much my dad would say when we were kids that he never wanted to live that way and if he ever got to the point where he couldn’t even go to the bathroom alone he’d rather be dead. and now he’s at that point. and so i felt compelled to at least check on him. i felt bad for him. i called him today. and as selfish as i’ve felt he’s been, the 1st thing he asked about was Nettie…and how big she was…and how her dance class was…and how i was….and my eyes welled up with tears. because all this time i’ve been bitter and holding resentment toward him because i felt like after all the pain and grief he caused me and my sisters and my mom- he owed me and he couldn’t even get to the point of being involved even when his health was compromised. and when he asked about Nettie 1st thing and didn’t go on about how HE was…it weighed me down with such guilt. with such remorse. yes, he was a crappy dad growing up. does he know it? yes. does he regret it? i’m sure. does he still love me and care about me and Nettie and Hubs? of course he does. and all this time he has. he has my whole life. i was just too mad to see it. and so today was a big step for me. because today i forgave my dad. i finally forgave him. and no longer am i going to hold it over his head what he put us all through. no longer am i going to hesitate to call him. no longer am i going to hesitate to see him when i’m home. he is the only dad that i have. and he may not even live much longer and i’m so grateful that i realized this now and not after i said my final goodbyes.
15 Responses to Forgiveness
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Oh my gosh, Becky. That was very beautiful. I can totally relate, as I have an alcoholic father who I really do not care to be around. I have virtually no contact with him, and I am not sure I want to. He makes no effort, etc… Your post did make me think twice, and I thank you for that.
I am so happy that you were able to forgive and appreciate the time you have with your father. I hope it heals some of those old wounds for you and that you all get to spend some time together. I guess when we become parents it just seems unbelieveable to me that a parent would make some of the choices they make. Drink over parenting?? But we all make mistakes, right?
Congratulations Becky on such an awesome day!
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Wow Becky! What a powerful thing to overcome. My dad was not an alcoholic, but his dad was. It tore my dad’s family up.
I am sure you feel so much better after letting all of that go!
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Forgiveness is the best gift you can give someone. Good for you, Becky, for being such a good person.
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That is just beautiful Becky. You are very wise. I have some regrets with my Dad who passed away a few years ago. You will feel so much better too.
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Even though I don’t know you personally, I know that you’re a beautiful person inside and out. I’m glad you found peace with your dad.
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I am so happy for you Backy, your Dad is very lucky to have a forgiving daughter like you and I’m glad that you both are able to go forward…lovingly and unselfishly.
Carrie
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Hi Becky
That is a gorgeous picture of the two of you – you look just like him.
Forgiveness is a very powerful thing and it benefits you mostly, not the other person.
Well done – this is a turning point for you.
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Alcoholism runs in my family and it’s always scared the hell out of me. My grandmother – 94 years old – fell of the wagon recently after 40 years. It’s tough to watch.
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thank you all so much. im glad that i got here on my own too before it was too late. xo
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Oh, Becky. This has had to be difficult for you. I can relate to this in a few ways and just know that while your dad was an adult and is responsible for his actions, he also had a disease and it just overtook his life. It does seem like he really loves you, though. Situations like this make me very sad. I hope that your dad gets a liver and is able to recover to a point that allows him to live comfortably.
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I just read this. It brought tears to my eyes
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hey! blogger didn’t let me finish my comment!!
Its a HUGE thing to forgive a parent for not being a great person most our lives…as you know I know exactly how you felt, but I too forgave my dad, and its such a relief to not feel guilty for being so angry.
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wow Becky-tearing up here–that is a great blog. (((HUGS))
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