Love. It’s all around me. Every single day. I’ve been in a major funk since my dad’s birthday last week. Someone in my family even said that I should leave my dad dead and buried and not drudge up the past and his flaws. Apparently this person chooses to live in a hole and instead of dealing with their issues they prefer to hide them away. That’s them. I can’t be like that. I have to talk about things…I have to deal with things to move on. That blog post last week was closure for me in one way…and it opened a whole other can of worms in another emotionally for me. Anyway, after talking to Hubs this weekend about all my issues surrounding my dad…and about 5 other things that have happened to me in my past that I think about EVERY. SINGLE. DAY and I carry around with my every single day…well we both agreed I need to talk to someone. I dunno when I’ll start or when I’ll even have time BUT it’s something I eventually need to do. I mean, I’ve been getting around for the past 20 years carrying things with me and adding more so I know I’m not gonna go crazy immediately. I’m good at coping. I’m good at pushing everything to the back of my mind so I can function like a normal person. But at night, when it’s quiet, they all come back. I cry. I get mad. I get sad. They’re there…everyday. It’s not good for someone to carry things around. I know that they’re things that happened in the past so I can’t change what or how they happened. But I can change how I feel about them. I’ve tried on my own and I can’t so I know I need to get help in that area. Big step forward for me.

That was last night though. Saturday Hannah danced in her last regional competition. The girl blew me away and danced the best she ever had. She also scored the best she ever had.

You can’t really tell, but she was holding up a peace sign in this picture. It’s like she knew her momma needed some peace. I could not live without this girl.

So after all the dance craziness on Saturday we relaxed with family yesterday at one of Hannah and Livie’s cousin’s 2nd birthday party. Now that this little girl is 2 I’m all giddy with excitement because I remember when Hannah turned 2 and how much changed from 2 to 3. We have so many boys in the family but she’s the 1st little girl I get to watch grow up since Hannah. Her mom got her THE awesomest cake and decorations (aside from Hannah’s 7th birthday that is!)

I mean, a purse on a cake? DREAM. COME. TRUE.

So seeing the excitement on her face as she peeked at her gifts before she opened them got ME so excited for what’s to come with Livie.

Kids change so much everyday the first few years and I remember how much fun it was with Hannah. I’m thrilled I get to do it all again. I plan to drink up every last drop of their childhoods because I know they will be gone in the blink of an eye.

And this girl? I can’t live without her either.