Progress
Yesterday I picked Hannah up from dance. I got to watch her dance for 15 minutes before she was done. She was smiling and laughing and dancing. I stood there and got sad because she dances so beautifully and it really upsets me that she THINKS she wants to quit. I honestly think she would miss it if she did. When she got out of class I asked her how it went and she told me it was fun and she missed her friends and she was excited to start her solo lessons up next week for competition. I asked her if she still wanted to quit and she blurts out “Yeah, I do.” The kid confuses me. I think SHE’S confused to be honest. In my heart I want her to finish this month and tell me “YES MOM! I wanna keep dancing!” but I have a feeling she’ll change her mind. Guess we’ll see. Either way, she’s dancing for September. When we got home last night I took pictures of her in her little dance outfit. I OF COURSE forgot to bring my camera today to show them to you so that’ll be waiting til tomorrow. But I feel like some progress was made last night. The Man and I had ANOTHER talk with her and reminded her how she’s SUPPOSED to reply to us when we ask her something. We also told her she’ll be grounded from playing with our neighbor if she can’t behave. This, in her world, is the most detrimental thing that could happen to her. We had to go drastic because she is unphased by going to her room or having her DS taken away or taking away TV/movies. But taking away her bff? Bingo. And after that talk? Things were peachy keen. If she raised her voice, we’d just give her a look and she’d say “I’m sorry” and change her tone. I see it’s going to take baby steps but I’m willing to take those baby steps with her to undo years of behavior because I love her. And she really is quite fabulous, diva attitude and all.
17 Responses to Progress
Leave a Reply
Subscribe
You Know You Want It
I support
Sometimes it is just a matter of finding out what really pushes their buttons. I remember with my oldest we would take away everything and still the attitude. Then you find the one thing that matters (and it may change from month to month), as you seem to have found with bff time and then it clicks for them. Progress is progress, so good for you!
[Reply]
Becky Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 12:27 pm
I think it’ll def change month to month…you’re right about that. Thank you!
[Reply]
Sometimes, you just have to go hard-ass on them.
We had a period of time, where we were making the girls say, yes ma’am and yes sir and crap when we told them/asked them to do stuff. Which I hated…but it got the point across. We did it and enforced it and enforced tough ass rules for say two months, including putting parental controls on all tween shows on Disney and Nickelodeon. It really did help. I think they try to act like tweens. At seven. I’m just not having it. The back talking attitude is not something I’ll put up with.
[Reply]
Becky Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 12:26 pm
Yep. And we did and it worked (for now). We encourage yes ma’am and yes sir here because they have to speak that way at school. it’s a southern thing so she has to say it to adults just out of politeness. We don’t make her at home but lately I’ve been remembering to say “yes what?” so she’ll say “yes ma’am” because she def has to get that instilled in her. It doesn’t come as naturally to me because I wasn’t raised down here but I don’t want my kid to be looked at as rude either. But yes she’s a MAJOR back talker but only to like me and M. I dunno why she thinks it’s ok but I’m determined to change that.
[Reply]
nancie Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 9:57 pm
i’m like that too…i wasn’t raised in the south – and not raised to say ‘yes ma’am’…so that’s been really hard to reinforce to my girls…but they do learn a lot at school…
i think with my girls (especially the oldest)..that she was SO good and polite at school…that when she got home – she’d just have to let all the horrible bad disrespectful stuff out that she’d been holding in all day long. ha..that’s my guess anyway! but i’d rather my girls be good and polite in public…you know it could be worse…!!
[Reply]
Becky Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 11:46 am
True. She is VERY well behaved at school and at other people’s houses. That is def a plus.
My nephew plays hockey and he complains all the time that he wants to quit. But his parents just didn’t give him that choice. He has to play and when he gets there he always has fun. At the end of the season they told him that he could choose another sport instead of hockey if he really hated it, but he needed to do some activity. In the end he stuck with hockey. That reminded me of what’s going on with Hannah. Sometimes parents know best and need to remind the kids of that.
Glad things are better!
[Reply]
That’s how I feel. She has to do SOMETHING active. I def want her to get in that habit. I don’t know if it’ll remain dance or something else but yes, she def is going to do something.
[Reply]
She’s clearly happy when she dances. Maybe some of your exploratory conversations with her can be asking how she feels when she’s dancing. And also asking when she is dancing, if there’s something else she’d rather be doing. There has to be something logical inside her brain that’s telling her to quit. Maybe getting to the root of it will help you both better understand. At least she’s willing to talk about it … and not lie (i.e., obviously having a good time while dancing, but telling you it’s horrible).
[Reply]
Becky Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 2:01 pm
I just think for her it’s laziness. She’d rather be at home playing than dancing…then she gets there and realizes she DOES like it BUT it still imposed on her schedule. She is a control freak and doesn’t like people telling her what to do. SHe forgets she’s 7, ya know? But yes…she IS willing to talk about it so that helps immensely.
[Reply]
Ella is going to start dance this year. She just turned 3 and I envision her loving it and dancing, well… forever. Reading this post of your’s makes me kinda sad. I mean… they actually, eventually THINK they know what they want huh?
I’m noticing that with Jayden. He’s almost 9 and he’s forming his own opinions, and it’s so weird to me.
I hope she changes her mind and continues on with dance. Maybe if she stops she’ll miss it so much she’ll beg to go back.
[Reply]
Becky Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Yep and it sucks when they do. It sucks when their opinions differ than yours anyway…at least to me…cause it just means she’s getting older and becoming her own person.
[Reply]
baby steps, girlie. I could talk this issue to death with you right now going through it with Haley AGAIN. You’ll get there.
[Reply]
Becky Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Nice to know it continues with age. LOL j/k. i love you.
[Reply]
It sucks to have to go the hard-ass route, but sometimes that’s all that works. Keep taking those baby steps.
[Reply]
Good Job Mom!
If she wants to quit, I think let her. Most likely she’ll want to go back after a short time. I only say that if she’s finished her commitment. With Lady H she’s only played team sports. She could quit after the season was over, but never before, because she made a commitment to her team.
[Reply]
Becky Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 11:45 am
Yeah the only thing is that I KNOW if she does go back she’ll be upset that she’s so far behind her friends and dancing with girls much younger than her. SO I’m trying to spare her. She doesn’t see this. *sigh*
[Reply]