What I have to prove
Well, the healing I was so craving for the weekend didn’t exactly take place. Things with Hannah remained exactly the same. I’ve decided that I need to just really pray about this and continue to seek guidance from people who have been there/done that as far as motherhood is concerned because it’s quite apparent that whatever ideas I have suck. HAH. I’m trying to make light of this because I’m mentally exhausted. It’s now come down to pulling Hannah from dance because I pay A LOT for her to have this hobby that she used to love. Keyword being USED. I fought her a lot last year and I just decided that lately with her attitude and issues that if she’s going to be ungrateful and NOT even want to dance…why bother?! You know? I paid for September so she’ll at least dance for this month. Then we’ll reevaluate. Her staying in dance is my dream…not hers. It’s hard for me to accept this. But I will. And so after a weekend of arguing over that and a few other routine things I got NO pictures of her. “Mom, don’t take ANY pictures of me. I’m not in the mood.”
Except for this tiny moment on Saturday. “MOM! Get a picture of me and Sassie!”
*sigh*
I know we will overcome this. We will get to the other side of this HUGE mountain sometime (soon I hope) and I’ll look back and be able to make a list of all the lessons we BOTH learned. I’m looking forward to that day.
And then Livie got sick. Her nose started running Saturday evening and by yesterday she had a full on, raging cold complete with lots of this
and only a few moments of this
So to sum this all up? I’m exhausted. Mentally and physically. BUT I’m determined to change this. I’m determined to change my focus and instead of everything being out of focus right now…I’m gonna rotate my lens of life and get this thing in check. I don’t like a hazy view of my life. I don’t like this feeling of not knowing what the fuck I’m doing and wondering if my children are conspiring against me. They aren’t. And I’m not an idiot. I’m not a clueless moron attempting motherhood. I AM a good mom. I will prove this to my girls.
And to myself.
12 Responses to What I have to prove
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Oh, sweetie, I wish we lived closer and I could take you out for a glass of wine and give you a huge hug. You are a good mom and you will get through to the other side and things will be better. Love and hugs.
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Becky Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 9:57 am
Thanks so much Lisa. I appreciate that.
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I am so sorry you have been having a rough patch. I will say a pray for you too.
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Becky Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 9:57 am
Thanks Karen
I appreciate that.
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Even a clueless mom can still be a good mom. My best piece of advice is get it in check NOW. I constantly feel like I waited too long and it’s even harder to make change now. My other piece of advice is Do something Drastic. The hardest thing for me to realize is that my kid has become an Entitled Brat. ONE THING doesn’t go her way and it’s an attitude. If I could reteach her anything, it would be to roll with life.
You’ve gotta do a 180 if you really want it to have an affect at this age. Also check out 123 Magic. It’s a great book.
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Becky Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 9:56 am
You’re so right. And me and The Man are working on this daily. It’s a struggle but I know we WILL get through to this girl!
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I’m not (yet) a mother, but it sounds like this is an opportunity for you. It’s likely not the first time Hannah doesn’t want to do something you want her to do … but, it sounds like it’s one of the first times it involves something big. And a decision now could affect the rest of her childhood. Why not take this as an opportunity to open the lines of communication with her. Learn what it is about dance she doesn’t like … learn what it is she does like. Help her (and yourself) figure out whether the dislikes are enough to warrant stopping altogether or just demand a break for a little while. At the end, maybe you’ll both learn something about each other and yourselves. And if dance truly isn’t something she wants to pursue in the long-run, then at least you’ll have had this time to grow and get to know each other a little better.
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Becky Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 9:56 am
You always have such great ideas. You’re gonna make an awesome mom
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You trying so hard to make things right for your kids makes you the best mom. It’s impossible to always know the right thing to do, especially when our kids are going to go through times where their interests change. I hated taking Haley out of dance, but it was becoming too much for everyone. She was missing out on relaxing weekends, sometimes birthday parties and OUR schedule revolved around dance. So when she started 3rd grade, we had her try a few sports. She loves them, but still loves dance. It’s not that Hannah will never be able to go back but maybe it’s just become too much for her and sometimes when things feel forced, they lose interest much quicker. Let it be her choice. You be the mom suggesting the break. Even if she takes the break and then goes back next year or 2 years from now, it will then be her choice. She feel like she had a say and really at that age, it’s probably all she wants.
xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxooxxoxoxooxoxoxo
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Becky Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 2:00 pm
Well she’s def dancing LESS this weekend. No team stuff so no full weekend practices. Just Mondays for 90 mins and Saturday for 30 mins. A lot less than before so I think she can handle it. I hope that once she realizes how much less it is than last year she’ll just keep doing it. But yes, her feeling like she had a say is huge. For sure.
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Becky-you are an incredible, AMAZING, outstanding mother….to girls! It’s good she’s a diva, because if you think about it, she will not get pushed around or have her soul crushed by some stupid petty girl nonsense come the teen years (or at least she’ll be well-prepared to handle it without being rendered emotionally crippled).
Don’t ever doubt your ability to mother those girls; you are why they are strong and beautiful and smart and talented. Keep your chin up. You’re doing a great job, and discipline sucks but it must be done. And you’re doing it.
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Becky Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 9:52 am
This is true. She sure as heck doesn’t take crap from anyone and never thinks less of herself even if someone says something crappy to her. She’s very strong minded.
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