Chris Rock has this joke in which he says “You know that guy in the club? He’s not old, but just a little too old to be in the club.” I’ve heard it a few times and I’ve laughed each time because we ALL know that person. The one we look at when we’re sipping our drink thinking “Um, seriously?” And we giggle or stare or just wonder what they’re thinking. This past weekend we were at this little dive bar close to home and it’s cool because it floats on the water. In front of it there are boat slips so people that have been out all day on their boats, most of them already drunk when they arrive, park their boats and come in for night caps or to hear the live band. This was my first time at this place but I thought it was pretty cool and the band was good and there wasn’t a ton of 21 year olds (I can’t stand to be in a bar or club filled with people that age. I just can’t) so we stayed for a while.

After about an hour of being there this older man, probably in his 50s, comes in. I only noticed him because he came stumbling over and said something to us like hi or how are you and then went on his merry way. About 2 minutes after that this lady comes in and I immediately noticed her. She had to have been the same age as him but dressed like she was 25. She had on a bikini top and short shorts. Right away I whispered to The Man that she was way too old to be dressing like that especially in a bar. We giggled and watched her with that man and then all of a sudden I felt this feeling in my gut. It felt like I had been punched.

See, The Man always jokes with me and says that men don’t get old, they get wise. That saying insinuates that women DO in fact get old while men don’t. I always smirk at him or roll my eyes but in that moment, it all became clear to me. I kind of think this is true! The man and woman were the same age and yet I thought he was totally cool to be there and thought this woman was out of place. The Man insists it’s because of how she was dressed and if she had on regular clothes I wouldn’t have paid much attention to her either. There is some truth to this. HOWEVER….I feel like when we are in our 50s he’s gonna still be hot and cool and won’t look out of place in a bar whereas I will look my age and young girls will think ” WTF is she doing in here!?”. Omg. I never want to be that lady. But at that age I will want to go out still, right? My kids will be grown. We’ll be retired. That’s all we’ll want to do is travel and go out and have fun. It was a harsh realization and probably a dumb one (fueled by vodka)..but one I had nonetheless.

A few of my friends had/have a problem turning 30. I have no problem with 30 at all. I’m content with where my life is and I’ve accomplished most of the major goals I wanted to accomplish before I was 30, BEFORE I turned 30. I’ve joked that 35 is probably gonna hit me hard and that it’ll be my last birthday. 35 is a good, solid age. Not too young and naive. Not old at all. Women say sex peaks for us in our 30s. My girls will be teenagers and independant. We’ll be able to go on dates whenever we want without having a sitter. I look forward to my 30s. And so I told The Man this again at the end of the night. Lots of people turn 21 5 times. Or turn 29 10 times. Not me. I’m going to go the extra mile and get to 35.

After that, I’m done.

*This post brought to you by random, insecure, shallow, drunken thoughts.*