A better place
It once again has been a long time since I’ve updated this blog. I sometimes wonder how many people actually read it but then again, if there is even 1 person out there reading this then that is reason enough for me to continue to add to this space as often or as little as I can.
The last time I blogged I was upset because my aunt got terrible news that her time here with us was very limited. With great sadness wrapped in relief I have to say that she’s gone to be with Jesus. I say that with such strong conviction because no matter how many times I miss the boat with my walk with God one thing holds so very true- God is real and He is important to me. I mentioned how my aunt’s faith inspired me and while I probably will never be as good as a woman as she was, or as Godly as a woman as she was, her example is something I’ll cherish forever.
Back in September I went to Ohio for one of my oldest and best friend’s wedding but I made sure I planned enough days there to be able to spend plenty of time with my family. By the time I got there, just a month after my aunt got her news, she had already gotten so much sicker. The first day I saw her she was in a hospice facility and within a few days of that I saw her again at her house where she decided to be to spend her last days. Seeing her those days was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. She didn’t look like herself. She barely spoke and was barely awake but she made sure she did tell me a few more things. She told me she loved me. She asked how my girls were. She also told me she was ready to see Jesus and be healed. Here I was healthy, young, so alive sitting on my aunt’s literal death bed and her voice, a whisper at best, filled my soul with so much warmth and admiration and just pure, raw love. This woman was a second mother to my sisters and me growing up- especially when my mom got her MS diagnosis and was in and out of the hospital so much. She was my mom’s only sibling and best friend. We shed many tears but through those tears we laughed about a few memories and I promised her I would paint her nails. The last day I was in town I saw her, she was awake and spoke even less but I painted her nails, kissed her, told her I loved her, and left knowing that was the last time I would see her alive. I have never had an experience like that in my life. I’ve never been afforded the opportunity to say last words and hold hands one last time…so bittersweet. Her death is bittersweet. We miss her but she is in such a better place.
My faith isn’t something I talk about all the time yet lately, it’s been something I’ve had to wrestle with and accept some days, or embrace and cling to on others (more wrestling than embracing lately). I feel like my aunt was making sure she was giving me a very clear message and an even better paved path to follow her along on.
I should be so lucky.
A post from me wouldn’t be the same without photos. I’m still majorly slacking on my using my DSLR (the holidays are here so HOPEFULLY I abandon the break soon) so these are phone photos BUT? They’re important because they hold my memories the same as my DSLR would. If you don’t already, follow me on instagram @TheBecksB. Quick link on the sidebar will get you there too.
Every photo with my mom is something I treasure because they are few and far between with my being able to travel to Ohio less lately. She’s my rock. She’s THE inspiration. I got to stay with my mom the whole time I was home since I went sans The Man and the girls and the late night talks with her will be something I will treasure for the rest of my life.
My baby sister is 7 years younger than me so growing up we weren’t very close at all but now? The older we get the closer we become. I truly adore our friendship. Also? I love her babies so very much.
And? My friend since the 8th grade got married. I love her and being a part of her day was awesome.
The girls on Halloween this year:
Hannah ages a year every month, I swear. I can’t get over how grown up and beautiful she is.
Livie has become such a personality and everyone she knows makes sure they tell me daily things like “YOUR DAUGHTER! She’s a pistol!” or “YOUR DAUGHTER! She’s so funny!” or “YOUR DAUGHTER! Where does she get that personality from?”
It’s our 12 year wedding anniversary this month Of course I love him but? I also still REALLY like him too.
Lastly, after about 3 or 10 different diet starts and failures since having Livie almost 5 years ago I finally stuck to it. I started dieting and walking 3 miles a day back in March and 27 pounds later I have passed my goal weight by 11 pounds. I feel so much better about myself and feel good about finally sticking to this. It will be a life long battle but one I’m going to stick to because I detest having to lose weight and I hate working out even more.
I don’t usually toot my own horn but I wanted to let anyone who thinks they have too much to lose or it’s too hard or for someone who just needs inspiration to stick to it know it IS feasible…it IS possible because anyone who knows me knows how much I love food and HATE exercising. If I can do it, anyone can.
The Bible says even nature proclaims His glory. I can’t help but agree.