Yesterday evening I got a call from my nurse. She told me that my ECG results were back and they showed mild heart enlargement and a slight valve leakage as well. She couldn’t tell me anything else and said the doctor will explain what all this means at my next appointment next week. I of course did what anyone else would do and googled what all this means. From what it looks like, the enlarged heart can’t be made smaller but I can prevent further damage. It’s from the blood pressure. The valve leakage I wasn’t too sure about so I called my mom who is a nurse. She said that her mom had the same thing and that it’s not at all from blood pressure but a genetic thing and I probably had it all my life. It’s probably so minor though because it’s never been picked up when doctors have listened to my heart. I’ve obviously never had a heart ultrasound done before all of this so I would have never known. I don’t know what all of this means though for my life. I don’t know what I will have to change, if anything. My mom said I’ll probably be on another medication now to control my actual heart beats so that the valve leakage is minimalized. Guess we’ll see what my doctor thinks is best next week. I totally trust her though to make the right decision. Surgery is probably imminent in the future….like FAR future. I guess I don’t really know how I feel about all of this right now. I’ll make that decision after I see my doctor.
Hannah is at her grandma’s til tomorrow so last night it was just me and the baby. And after sending texts to my friends telling them the news and explaining what was going on I looked at Livie and got teary eyed. I can’t help but think about the worst case scenario. It’s just who I am. I looked at her and thought about Hannah and thought things like “What if I get really sick and I can’t take care of them?” “What if something happens to me and they have to live without a mom?” I know those are SUPER extreme and would probably NEVER happen but I’m a worrier by nature and I couldn’t help it. I scooped Liv up at that moment and smothered her with kisses. I promise to kiss them more. I promise to hug them more….to love them more. All of this kind of weighs on me. I’ve never had health problems. I’m rarely ever even sick.
So that’s that. Appreciate your health if you have it. And if you don’t? Appreciate everything else you have. It’s necessary.
(Part 1 was partly described here.)
So the inevitable has been confirmed. Actually, I thought it was something that was moreso inevitable like in 5 years or so. Not now. I went to my appointment yesterday thinking that my doctor would tell me yes, my blood pressure IS high but that I need to eat better and exercise more and she’d see me in a month to re evaluate.
That was not the case at all.
Instead after taking my BP twice and it being 155/98 she said I’m hereby diagnosed hypertensive and that I’m going to start meds immediately.
That part I was ok with. She even went on to say that yes diet and exercise can help but that at this point it’s something that has to be controlled with medicine. She also said that since my whole dad’s side of the family has hypertension I already had a good chance of getting it. Considering the fact that my sisters who ate the same was as I did growing up and still eat terribly now, probably worse than I do, have regular blood pressure…well I believe her. For me, it’s mostly a genetic thing and I’m sure my bad eating and non exercising self (up until June this past year) didn’t help. She also said having the girls kicked it into gear earlier in life. After that she said she said she wanted to do an EKG. That kinda freaked me out but I figured it was gonna be fine.
It wasn’t. The EKG came back with some abnormalities. She said it’s not anything huge and that now I’d need a heart echo done next Friday. At this point I’m still not totally freaked out. A few people have told me the same thing happened to them and their echos came out fine. That’s what I’m hoping happens for me. She said something about a possible enlarged heart and then I think my brain wandered to Untamed Heart where Christian Slater dies from an enlarged heart and Marissa Tomei is left without her soul mate.
Hey, I never said I wasn’t dramatic, ok?
Anyway, so the road begins to getting healthier. I have no choice now because I have to take care of my heart for my babies. Eating better, excercising, remembering to take my medicine, remembering to slow down and just relax sometimes….these are all on my list. I will do this. I have to…
I know it’s been a while since I’ve updated y’all on my weight loss. I kind of suck because I’ve lost 19 pounds and I didn’t tell y’all! WTF is wrong with me?! It’s been a slow 19 lbs but losing slow is better and definitely best for me since I won’t gain it all back if I eat like crap for a weekend.
Which I do. EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND. I’m in a slump. I eat well all week and then pig out all weekend so I’ve been at 19 lbs lost for like almost a month now. And I’ve grown content because I’m down a size and ALMOST down 2 sizes…maybe 5 more lbs will give me that extra size? ANYWAY my point is that I need to get off my ass and start working out again and lose the last 11 pounds that I had set as a goal. It’s easy to get content when I’ve lost over 1/2 of what I wanted to and people tell me I look great and I look at pictures of myself then and now.
And since this is usually a photo kinda blog, I took it upon myself to embarass myself and post a picture of me from before I lost weight. I see this and I think man, you’ve done good Beck! And I also shake my head that I let myself go like that. I know that I wasn’t obese but I was far from what I wanted to be.
I wanted to look healthier…to BE healthier for me and my family. And here’s me now.
First thing I always noticed in old pictures of myself that I hated was my arms. I hated how fat they looked and how much they shook if I waved or danced. Not anymore!
My face is A LOT thinner.
I can wear tight shirts again! I would have never worn this shirt months ago.
Skinnier arms and skinnier face together in one pic. SCORE FOR ME!
But then I think about how much better I’ll feel in 11 more pounds…and how different I’ll look again in 11 more pounds. So I’m on a mission. I’m going to start working out again and eating better EVEN on the weekends when it’s the hardest. I lost 19 pounds so I damn sure know I can lose another 11.
On a side note, a big reason I needed to lose weight was to get my blood pressure under control. I went to the doctor 2 weeks ago and it was still majorly high. I know it has to be stress related as I’ve lost weight but my doctor insists on me seeing another doctor about this to get further anaylzed. Part of me feels like a failure. I’ve busted ass to get my weight under control hoping it’d get my blood pressure under control. No such luck. So now we have to figure out if it’s a stress thing or if it’s deeper…such as a hereditary since everyone in my dad’s family has high blood pressure. So I’ll keep you posted on that.
In the meantime, I’m back to kicking ass and taking names on this weight loss.