Tooting my own horn
I rarely do this…brag on myself or ever really feel like I have anything TO brag about. But this week I do. This week I made it over the 25 pounds lost mark AND made it into the final 10 pounds I want to lose til I make my goal weight. I haven’t weighed this amount since maybe 2005? It’s been a long time. And really, I have spent over 6 months losing this weight. Slow and steady I guess, right? I am determined to keep it off because I NEVER want to do this again. Losing weight sucks. I mean, it’s awesome to see it come off and realize you’re actually doing it BUT being on a diet sucks. And while Weight Watchers isn’t necessarily a diet but a tool to teach you to eat proper portions and get you to a healthy weight…it’s still a diet in that I’m still VERY aware of what I put into my mouth all day and I have to add it all up and account for it all. Living like that isn’t very fun BUT when the pounds come off, it’s worth it.
I looked for pictures of me from about this time last year, give or take a couple months, to compare to where I am today.
When I found this picture, I shuddered to be honest. I know I don’t look obese or huge. I guess the main shock was that I had no idea that I was that big back then. That was 2 pants sizes bigger than where I am today. I remember when The Man took that picture of me I told him I was never going to show it to anyone because it wasn’t very flattering. A year ago, most of the pictures of me weren’t flattering and I hated them. That feeling of hating how you look…it’s awful. No matter if you’re 5 pounds overweight or 50. If you’re not happy with how you look, it weighs on your shoulders constantly.
This was Mother’s Day last year. I look at my legs and my arms and immediately frown. Like I said, I know I wasn’t gigantic but that was big for me especially when my whole life I was pretty average sized. And now today?
I can look at this picture and not shudder or frown. I’m not TOTALLY happy about it yet…I know I have some more work to do but I’ve accomplished a lot in the last 8 months and I’m still on a mission to finish what I started.
I hope none of you take this as me rubbing anything in or gloating. That’s not my intention. I posted back in June about how I was starting this journey and I thought it was time for an update on my success and also to continue to keep myself accountable…especially in the future.
So happy Friday y’all. Today is a good day for me and this weekend WILL be a good weekend. Hope yours is too!
Our time
Every Tuesday night Hannah stays at her Nana’s house. It’s their thing and I love it because it’s a break from homework with her for a night. And it’s the only time it’s just me and Liv at home together without Hannah or The Man. We eat dinner. We play. We catch up on my dvrd shows. She falls asleep next to me in the dark on the couch and I love it. She’s growing up so fast and before I know it she’ll be at Nana’s house during the week too and telling me things like I embarrass her.
That’s exactly what Hannah told me Saturday as I drove her to her friend’s sleep over party. “Mom, are you going to walk me in?” For the past 8 years, any time she’s stayed with anyone that’s not family, she asked me this and every time I would reassure her that yes, I’d walk her in and stay for a bit til she was okay. I did the same thing this time and she said “Oh.” And I asked her what was wrong and she told me “I don’t want you to walk me in. You’ll embarrass me.”
Talk about being hit by a ton of bricks. I told her I was going to walk her in anyway to say hi to her friend’s mom but I realized that there is a big difference between 7 and 8 with this kid. My 7 year old wanted me to walk her in. My 8 year old does not. I thought girls get to this point at like 11 or 12…right? The other night she told me she could tuck her own self in. I realize she still needs me and she’s still my baby and sometimes she’ll even tell me this because she can tell that I’m just hating how fast she’s growing up.
Needless to say, her being this age makes me appreciate Livie being the age she is so much more because she still needs me for everything and won’t even go to sleep without me next to her. There was a time Hannah was the same way and I see where she is now…well we always say it but yes, time goes by too fast.
So Tuesdays are our night and I embrace them. Last night, like most nights, Livie dug herself in between the couch cushions to watch TV. We haven’t figured out exactly why she loves doing this so much but we quit even trying to keep the couch semi decent looking. It’s her spot and we let her have it.
And how sad will I be when Jessie and Woody aren’t her best friends anymore. They’re already not Hannah’s when they just were a couple months ago around Christmas.
Hannah’s hair was pretty crazy like hers too. I wonder if it’ll go away too?
Feeling a bit sentimental today I guess.
Something I’m very estatic about though? I finally made the 25 pounds lost mark. FINALLY after starting this journey in June. I have 10 more pounds to go and I hope to make it there by May. I have a post coming on Friday all about this including old pictures of me that make me wanna throw up and kick myself BUT it’s important to remember where I was just a few months ago so I can keep trucking along and continue to take care of myself and maintain a healthy weight. It’s not always about being thin and looking awesome…if you’re overweight you need to lose weight to be healthy! It’s not healthy to strain your body like that and I learned that the hard way with all of my blood pressure problems. I still have them now even with the weight loss but I feel that is stress related and I’m hoping once I quit this job and find something a lot less stressful I can ween myself to a lower dose of my meds. We shall see. Either way, I’m at least doing what I can and it took A LOT to get where I am today…and I still have some work to do.
That was totally off topic lol but yeah, stay tuned.
Until then, happy Wednesday.
Gluttony
It’s no secret that I like to eat. A lot. The only reason I’m not obese is because most days I eat super light lunches so when I DO eat big for dinner, I maintain weight. It’s not a healthy cycle but it’s one I’ve been on for years.
I joined Weight Watchers to get me back on track with healthier meals and better eating habits. Old habits die hard, they say. I’m living that truth right now.
Last week I had an epic week. I lost 2.2 pounds and that was with 1 cheat meal of Mexican food in which I ate until I couldn’t move. Big mistake but I bounced back and ate right the rest of the week, got a couple work outs in, and was happy when I weighed in on Friday. Friday night I had some Mexican again and ate a bit too much but I figured I’d bounce back. Saturday I ate a bit much again but I wasn’t doing TOO bad so I figured once again, that I could bounce back. By Superbowl Sunday I was out of control. I ate everything in sight. It was like I hadn’t seen food in weeks and I had to eat everything just in case I wasn’t going to ever eat again. It was insanity. Like every bite I took, I said to myself “Becky? What the eff are you doing? This is ridiculous. Control yourself.” But then I’d just keep eating because I have a serious problem with control. Hence, why I joined Weight Watchers to begin with. Losing 20 pounds this summer was no easy feat and it took me months to do. I worked out tons and really watched what I ate. I tried to do that again on my own in January and just couldn’t so I got with Weight Watchers for some accountability and I figured if I was paying to lose weight, I’d stick with my diet more. This weekend was ridiculous. I can’t even begin to tell you everything I ate or WHY I ate so much.
I weighed myself this morning finally. I was scared to before today. I’m up 2 pounds. The 2 pounds I worked my ass off to lose last week are right back on. I realize that in the grand scheme of things 2 pounds isn’t much. But when you work REALLY hard to get those 2 pounds off just to gain it back after 3 days of eating? 7 days to lose it, 3 days to gain it all back. It’s ridiculous. I know myself and I know that if I don’t lose anything this week I will be discouraged. I’m drinking a lot of water and eating even lighter this week in hopes of a loss on Friday. It’s becoming obsessive. I feel like an anorexic but without the being grossly skinny part. Totally not fair.
Not that I want to be grossly skinny. Let me clear that up. I just want to freakin be in control of my eating and weight. I mostly am but after what I did this weekend? Let’s just say that that won’t be happening again. I hated how I felt after it all and here it is Wednesday and I’m still beating myself up. I know I shouldn’t so don’t tell me not to. I just am. Personal battle that will never be won. Someone like me who’s had fluctuating weight her whole life…it’s just hard. It’s always on my mind. It’s always something I deal with. Even when I get to my goal weight I’ll be on a constant struggle to maintain it and not lose control again. All it takes is a few bad weeks to gain it all back. It’s just that way for me. I’ve been at my goal weight before…a few times actually and here I am working to get back to it.
You skinny girls who are just naturally that way and don’t have to work at it? I’m very jealous of you right now. The lengths I go to and all that I have to do just to lose 2 pounds is insanity. And I know this and yet I pissed it all away for some enchiladas and a burger.
Anyway, that’s where I’m at today. Work sucks. It’s just completely overtaking my life and my worries and my stress levels right now. And my bp meds had to be upped last month because of it all. I think I forgot to tell y’all that but yeah. This is where I’m at right now. The good news is that The Man and I have figured out our money and I get to quit this hell hole in May to work part time somewhere else. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, job that completely screwed me and continues to do so as of right now.
Ok. I promise that I’m done complaining this week. Back to rosey posts later this week including a tribute to my baby girl who makes me smile even when everything else sucks.
The weight journey
I joined Weight Watchers again. This will be the 3rd time in the last 5 years. I just need SOMETHING to movitate me to continue on this journey. I had a goal of 30 pounds before New Year last year. Well, I lost 20 of the 30. I want to get the last 10 off…maybe even 15 more. I couldn’t stick with working out for some reason so I decided to join Weight Watchers because I’ve always had great success on this diet before…so much so that it just becomes a way of life and my normal eating routine. Which really, it’s how it should be. I forget how big a portion should be until I get on WW and realize that I over eat…. a lot. This time I’m doing something different though. Every other time I’ve done it, I’ve just eaten what I normally eat but smaller portions to fit my points allowances. This time I’m actually making food from WW’s site…their recipes which allow me to eat a little more since it’s cooked differently. I’ve made 2 meals so far and they were both delish. 2 nights ago I made General Tso’s chicken over white rice. Last night I made chicken and broccoli with garlic sauce over brown rice. I actually remembered to document this process and I have to say that looking at these pictures makes me want to eat this again!
It felt good to make completely homemade meals in about 30 minutes that tasted great and were good for me WITH lower sodium than any packaged food I’d usually eat. I’m on a mission to lose weight AND get healthier. Working out needs to come with this too but baby steps here, people. This is not sponsored at all…I just love Weight Watchers and really encourage you to join if you want to lose weight and still be able to eat good stuff!
So when I’m not obsessing over recipes I’m hanging out with my girlies.
This is Livie’s “Put on Toy Story now” look complete with the remote that she was about to hand me to do so.
Bella has made herself quite at home at our house. She comes downstairs a lot now and lounges on the couches or harrasses the dogs. I’m so glad she’s safe and happy and healthy.
Hannah’s been her usual animal lover self…loving on Bella…loving her horseback riding lessons. I’ve missed her last two because I was out of town or at work. I’m super sad about this because I can’t take enough pictures of her riding. Her favorite riding accessory?
Found these at Target. Yep, sure did.
Loving this week…loving my girls. Have a good weekend!
I’ll leave you with this little nugget. Miss Liv is quite the entertainer.
High Blood Pressure pt 2
(Part 1 was partly described here.)
So the inevitable has been confirmed. Actually, I thought it was something that was moreso inevitable like in 5 years or so. Not now. I went to my appointment yesterday thinking that my doctor would tell me yes, my blood pressure IS high but that I need to eat better and exercise more and she’d see me in a month to re evaluate.
That was not the case at all.
Instead after taking my BP twice and it being 155/98 she said I’m hereby diagnosed hypertensive and that I’m going to start meds immediately.
That part I was ok with. She even went on to say that yes diet and exercise can help but that at this point it’s something that has to be controlled with medicine. She also said that since my whole dad’s side of the family has hypertension I already had a good chance of getting it. Considering the fact that my sisters who ate the same was as I did growing up and still eat terribly now, probably worse than I do, have regular blood pressure…well I believe her. For me, it’s mostly a genetic thing and I’m sure my bad eating and non exercising self (up until June this past year) didn’t help. She also said having the girls kicked it into gear earlier in life. After that she said she said she wanted to do an EKG. That kinda freaked me out but I figured it was gonna be fine.
It wasn’t. The EKG came back with some abnormalities. She said it’s not anything huge and that now I’d need a heart echo done next Friday. At this point I’m still not totally freaked out. A few people have told me the same thing happened to them and their echos came out fine. That’s what I’m hoping happens for me. She said something about a possible enlarged heart and then I think my brain wandered to Untamed Heart where Christian Slater dies from an enlarged heart and Marissa Tomei is left without her soul mate.
Hey, I never said I wasn’t dramatic, ok?
Anyway, so the road begins to getting healthier. I have no choice now because I have to take care of my heart for my babies. Eating better, excercising, remembering to take my medicine, remembering to slow down and just relax sometimes….these are all on my list. I will do this. I have to…
For her
For her
For this.
Weightloss road/Blood pressure pt 1
I know it’s been a while since I’ve updated y’all on my weight loss. I kind of suck because I’ve lost 19 pounds and I didn’t tell y’all! WTF is wrong with me?! It’s been a slow 19 lbs but losing slow is better and definitely best for me since I won’t gain it all back if I eat like crap for a weekend.
Which I do. EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND. I’m in a slump. I eat well all week and then pig out all weekend so I’ve been at 19 lbs lost for like almost a month now. And I’ve grown content because I’m down a size and ALMOST down 2 sizes…maybe 5 more lbs will give me that extra size? ANYWAY my point is that I need to get off my ass and start working out again and lose the last 11 pounds that I had set as a goal. It’s easy to get content when I’ve lost over 1/2 of what I wanted to and people tell me I look great and I look at pictures of myself then and now.
And since this is usually a photo kinda blog, I took it upon myself to embarass myself and post a picture of me from before I lost weight. I see this and I think man, you’ve done good Beck! And I also shake my head that I let myself go like that. I know that I wasn’t obese but I was far from what I wanted to be.
I wanted to look healthier…to BE healthier for me and my family. And here’s me now.
First thing I always noticed in old pictures of myself that I hated was my arms. I hated how fat they looked and how much they shook if I waved or danced. Not anymore!
My face is A LOT thinner.
I can wear tight shirts again! I would have never worn this shirt months ago.
Skinnier arms and skinnier face together in one pic. SCORE FOR ME!
But then I think about how much better I’ll feel in 11 more pounds…and how different I’ll look again in 11 more pounds. So I’m on a mission. I’m going to start working out again and eating better EVEN on the weekends when it’s the hardest. I lost 19 pounds so I damn sure know I can lose another 11.
On a side note, a big reason I needed to lose weight was to get my blood pressure under control. I went to the doctor 2 weeks ago and it was still majorly high. I know it has to be stress related as I’ve lost weight but my doctor insists on me seeing another doctor about this to get further anaylzed. Part of me feels like a failure. I’ve busted ass to get my weight under control hoping it’d get my blood pressure under control. No such luck. So now we have to figure out if it’s a stress thing or if it’s deeper…such as a hereditary since everyone in my dad’s family has high blood pressure. So I’ll keep you posted on that.
In the meantime, I’m back to kicking ass and taking names on this weight loss.
The 30 Day Shred and me
I started The 30 Day Shred 30 days ago on May 31. I decided that I needed a kick start to getting in shape and the only way I was going to do this was to shock myself into it. I hate working out. I really don’t like dieting either. But the older I get the worse my blood pressure is getting and the tighter my clothes are getting. Neither are ok with me. So me and a few friends decided that this is what we needed to do and if we all did it together we’d be accountable and more likely to finish. We were right. So many days I wanted to quit. I didn’t feel like going home after being gone 12 hours a day commuting and working to work out. But I did every single day.
And it has paid off.
I forgot to take measurements before I started this but I did weigh in before and after. I’ve lost 7 pounds this month and I know I’ve lost some inches. It might not seem like a lot but I’ve also toned up so I definitely look different. People are noticing that I’ve lost weight and the pants I tried to put on just a month ago fit. I feel so good about myself right now. I feel accomplished. I’ve never in my life worked out 7 days a week for a month. I played sports all through junior high and high school but we had weekends off then.
How does The Shred work? It’s circuit training. 3 minutes strength. 2 minutes cardio. 1 minute abs. It’s it’s 3 circuits of this. The whole workout is 18 minutes along with a 2 minute warm up and cool down. There are 3 levels of intensity. I spent 9 days on level 1, 11 days on level 2 and 10 days on level 3. You move up when you feel that you are ready. I can honestly say that I was not ready to move up to level 3 but I was so bored on level 2 that I moved up anyway. I woke up sore every day. It never went away. I think not having a break in between days was the culprit for that.
BUT it worked, y’all. I will say that if you don’t diet with this you won’t lose much. I didn’t diet the first 2 weeks I did this and I lost 1 whole pound. I was so discouraged. I decided to kick it up and diet the last 2 weeks…I counted calories and did weight watchers points along with it to really keep tabs of what I’m eating all day. I lost 3 lbs a week the second 2 weeks. I’ve never lost that much before in a week in my life and I totally say that it’s the combo of diet AND exercise. BUT if you decide you don’t need to lose weight but just wanna get in shape this is still for you. Like I said, I toned up big time. Even if I wouldn’t have dieted I would have seen leaner, toner muscles. My endurance level has grown too.
What’s next for me? Well I’m leaving tomorrow for vacation and I won’t be back til next week SO I’m fully intending to enjoy the break for those days. But on Monday I’ll be back on the wagon again. I plan to still watch what I eat when I’m gone to an extent to at least maintain the weight loss. I’ve already ordered another DVD to do when I get back. It’s a more cardio based workout which is what I need now to kick up the weight loss again and at least get another 7-10 pounds off. I won’t be doing that everyday. I plan on taking weekends off because doing The Shred on the weekends was tough. It’s the only days I have with the girls and Hubs without work getting in the way and we’re always super busy.
So I’m glad I did The Shred. I’m glad I stuck to it. Special thanks to Naomi and Lesley for keeping me accountable and doing this with me! I’m looking forward to starting back over next week and kicking ass again!
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And because no post is complete without pictures and I’ll be gone til Monday I leave you with these goodies from last year’s July 4th. It’s one of my favorite holidays and this year I’ll be flying while fireworks are going off all around the country. I’m bummed I won’t have pictures of it all this year but these were super cute from last year. See you in a few days!
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