Let's lighten the mood, shall we?
So after I got home last night I started thinking about my posts this week. Then I felt guilty. I feel like y’all probably think that Nettie’s a holy terror and Nimmie is heading in the same direction and I’m a freakin mess of a mother who is barely keeping her shit together.
That is not the case.
I needed to vent. I need to “scream into a pillow” on here. Now I feel better. This week just wasn’t that great. Family drama in Ohio. Again. Drama down here with people who just can’t seem to find their own existance affecting me. Throw in a few bad days with Nettie and I was almost certifiable.
My life isn’t as crazy as I sometimes make it out to be. No, I will never be mother of the year. Yes Nettie IS a bit of a spaz sometimes. Yes, I know I need to put my foot down more with her now before it’s too late and she’s an out of control teenage. I know all these things. But when I look at other families….families that are missing a mom. Or a dad. Or couples who are missing their child. Or children. I realize that no, things aren’t bad. They’re actually very good. We’re fed, clothed, and live comfortably in our house. We have a good family who supports us. We have good friends who do too. And lastly, we have eachother. Hubs and the girls are my whole life. I can’t imagine it without them. I’ll take the crazy over normal anyday. Because the crazy, while it may be ours, isn’t really all THAT crazy afterall.
Friday! Holla!
Holla is such an annoying word. I don’t know why I even put it up there because I NEVER say it. But whatever. It fit for today. I’m in a fabulous mood. FINALLY. After this whole week sucked for me. Actually, it sucked for a lot of people I know. I never used to believe in full moons or astrology signs or mecury retrograde or ANY of that stuff. But after the week we’ve all had, I might become a believer.
Last night my new lens came in. (1.4 50mm) YES. I’m SO freakin excited. I couldn’t take many pictures because I had to do the mom/wife thing. BUT this weekend I totally plan on being my normal camera whore self. YAY. Anyway, here’s what I took last night.
yum
Have a great weekend, everyone!
2 years
today marks 2 years since my dad died. 2 years since he’s been gone. 2 years and 1 month since we last talked. and it’s still so freakin confusing to me. it’s so hard to mourn someone when you aren’t sure how you felt about then when they were alive. when my dad was alive i was pretty much bitter towards him. i was nice to him when i saw him but he wasn’t someone that i thought about a lot. he wasn’t to me like how my mom is to me. and i’ve blogged a lot about my dad in the past…my issues about him. that last talk we had sorta sealed the deal. i was angry with him for the things he said but i felt peace that i finally got to tell him what i thought about things he did in life. i felt closure. we said i love you before we hung up. then he died. and i realized that maybe he wasn’t ALL that bad…i remembered a lot of good times…a lot of fun times that i totally blocked out when he was alive because i was so angry. and after he died, i didn’t have to be angry anymore. i could just let it go and really dwell on the good times. i mean, why dwell on the bad times now? i still won’t ever forget the crappy things he did/said. but it’s sorta moot now, right? i dunno. all i know is that my dad was always a thunder stealer from anyone around him. and i think that was just his personality. he was the youngest of 9 kids. he was always babied. he had a beautiful singing voice and played the guitar so awesomely–awesome sense of humor…he just stole the thunder anywhere he went. i admired that about him. so now it doesn’t surprise me at all that he died on my birthday. it totally fit him. that day when i got the news i was devasted and in shock. and then a few weeks later when the dust settled i sat there and sorta giggled about it and told him that it figures he’d die on one of his kid’s birthday- because from that day on, every year when my birthday comes, much like today, i will sit and think “today is the day dad died” before i think “today is my birthday”.
miss you dad.
Not gone yet….
are you glad? lol. i blame my manic tendencies on my mother.
have a good weekend! mine will be filled with the tiny feet
and the tiny hands
of my baby who turned 4 months old today 
and my precious Nettie, who loves her baby sister more and more with each passing day.
Thoughts
so now that i’m back and while still super tense i’m less tense than i was in ohio, i can discuss a little bit about my trip. it’s really hard for me to even type this because i know it’s not gonna come out how i mean it at all. but the whole time i was up there i was torn between wanting to hug my mom and cry because i felt so bad for her OR i wanted to smack her right across the face. my mom’s anxiety levels are through the roof. i can’t even begin to explain how even just walking into her house makes anyones stress levels shoot up. i can just imagine how my blood pressure is going to be at my doctor’s appointment today. but that’s another story. so many things went on this weekend regarding my mom’s stress issues but probably the best example and situation that truly threw me for a loop was getting ready for the zoo saturday. for weeks i’ve been so excited to take my mom to the zoo with Nettie. i knew she’d truly enjoy seeing Nettie’s face and watching how excited she would be. and anytime i mentioned the zoo in the last few weeks my mom would SAY she was excited but i could tell she really wasn’t. and now i know why. so my mom needs help getting ready in the morning. she has a nurse’s aid who comes by at 9 to help her wash up and get dressed and get out of bed. my mom had insisted on taking the handicapped bus to the zoo as it’d be easier for her to be transported but i insisted on taking her because i wanted to do that for her. i wanted to take her and that way she’d have more time at the zoo. more time for fun. or so i thought. from the moment my mom got up at 9 that morning her anxiety levels started rising. i could hear her through the walls rambling on about how she wasn’t sure how she’d get in and out of my car…..how she wasn’t sure how she’d get around the zoo…who will push her around the whole time….what about food??? what if she had to go to the bathroom???? all these things weighed on her mind like a million tons. and i kept hollering through the wall that we’d all be fine. she just needed to calm down. so she yells back ok and that she’d be ready by 11. awesome. 11 is great. we’ll be there by 11:30 and have til 5. well 11 came and went. and 12 came and went. and while i was trying to be patient i also had a 5 year old with me who could not grasp why it was taking grandma THREE hours to get ready when SHE was ready 2 hours ago and wanted to go to the zoo right now. all the while my mom is hearing Nettie say these things and it’s stressing her out even more. she kept saying we were rushing her. and i kept saying back that 3 hours to get ready is NOT rushing anyone. and then i’d feel bad because it’s not her fault it takes so long. she’s sick. i know this. but honestly i don’t think it should take that long. i’ve taken care of elderly in nursing homes before. it did not take 3 hours to get these people up and out of bed. so long story short, by 12:30 my mom has worried and stressed herself sick. she’s nauseous, sick to her stomach and declares that she can’t go to the zoo. i sat there counting to 10, taking deep breaths because we had been waiting on her for nearly 2 hours now and could have left 2 hours before but were waiting on mom because 1. she said she was going and 2. we wanted her to go. and i KNEW she was only sick because she worried herself that way. OVER NOTHING. so my mom ended up not going to the zoo. after all of that. my whole weekend was this way. i finally did get my mom out of the house sunday but she threw up while we were out….and we had to leave my grandma’s house early because she was so sick. i realized that my mom can’t handle things out of the norm. and it’s all MENTAL to her. totally NOT physical. mental. she couldn’t take us staying with her, as much as she loved us being there, mentally it was too much. so the thought of even going to a new place was like asking for the world. she was sick all weekend. i can guarantee the moment we left monday evening she was feeling a whole lot better. i don’t blame her TOTALLY for it. i know her sickness is a big issue to her and a big restraint. i get that. but i also know that she holds herself back a lot just worrying about things that don’t need to be worried about. and it put a huge damper on our whole weekend because of it. i’ve wanted my mom to move down here for years. i’ve begged her. and after this weekend i know now that she can NEVER move here. she can’t handle it. i honestly think it’d kill her. or at least set her back A LOT. if she can’t even handle the zoo, she can’t handle a move. and both truly upset me.
1 reason why…
my sister needs to live by me. seriously. i see these and i ache over the fact that he’s so far away and i’ve not held him or kissed him yet.
so here he is. i know yall have been waiting. i was going to wait to post this til tomorrow but tomorrow is Nettie’s 1st day of school and you know i’ll be talking about that lol
New Auntie!
so yep my sis had the baby friday. and things went perfectly. she’s home now and loving her new little man. i can’t STAND that i’m not there btw. i wanna be there to help her and guide her. i just called her to give her some nursing advice cuz wtf… no one else did and that is something that you just don’t get unless someone explains what to do. again, dying that i’m not there. i’d post a pic but all the ones i have are crappy camera phone ones which also totally drives me crazy! i can’t wait til i’m up there next month. i will come back with 500 pics of just him i bet LOL. so yay, this is so fun. my own sister’s kid. *swoons*
edit—duh i forgot! his name is benjamin preston! he was 7lb 5 oz 19 1/2 inches!
Subscribe
You Know You Want It
I support
