Dear Nettie,

Happy birthday to my baby girl who’s not so much my baby anymore. it sounds so cliche but its true that it feels like just yesterday that i held you in my arms for the 1st time. to me and your dad, 4 is a big birthday for us because you’ll be starting preschool in the fall. and what a huge transition that will be. you will no longer sleep in with daddy during the week. and your best friends wont only be your puppies. you will no longer go to nana’s in the morning a few days a week. and i know your nana will probably miss her mornings with you the most. your nana and you have a special bond…different than the bond you have with me or your daddy. and it pains her the same way it pains us to lose our baby and instead gain a little person. but with the pain comes such pride (and tears as i type this) in seeing how much you’ve grown up and how far you’ve come in just 4 short years. the best 4 years of my life.

i know its sorta crazy of me, but i often think ahead to the day you get married and think how we’ll be so proud of you and happy for you and yet sad that our little girl is grown up and that she has someone new to take care of her. and then i think of how your dad will feel and thats what brings tears to my eyes because right now your father is your world. and you are convinced that youre going to marry him. and the day that changes for you—i really do think your daddy will have an empty spot in his heart. you are his baby girl– you are his world too.

throughout the years i’ve sorta had my own little traditions for your birthdays and christmas. and since i’ve always been such a picture taker i’ve captured all these little moments for you. i always loved looking back at pictures of me when i was your age…and you already love looking at your baby pictures. i know you’ll be just like me and share my love for photographs… and my love for taking them as you already have us buying you disposable cameras so you can “take your own pictures.” but every year we have you a birthday party and a cake and every christmas i dress you up in a santa outfit and take your picture. and i smile when i see how much you’ve grown. how much you’ve changed.

on your first birthday you were so sick with a terrible cold that later put you in the emergency room for high fever and dehydration AND two ear infections. at your party you weren’t quite as sick yet but you still weren’t up to partying or eating your cake or really much of anything.

on your 2nd birthday you were a happy healthy 2 year old. and totally got into your birthday and knew that it was your birthday and you couldn’t wait for your party and your cake. we had alot of people over…not just family…and you got tons of stuff.

Your 3rd birthday was probably the funnest one we’ve had so far. mostly because from 2 to 3 you changed the most. and grew up the most. and started talking way more and saying EVERYTHING. so when it came time for your party you couldn’t have been more excited. you thought turning 3 was the coolest thing ever. you thought you were so old…so big. and to us, you were.

and i enclose this picture of you with your baby annabell because you really really wanted this doll and your nana got her for you and after you opened her you didn’t care about any other presents you got. and you still play with her a year later which really is something because i have no idea where anything else you got for your 3rd birthday is now!

we just had your 4th birthday party for you yesterday…one day shy of 4 years old. and this year has been the most fun for us by far. i thought you learned to talk so much more from 2 to 3 but i had no idea what was in store for me from 3 to 4. people actually tell me how well you talk for your age. i can’t get over your thought process and how logical you are already at barely 4 years old. and i just know your teachers are going to love you when you start school in 8 short months. you have such personality—you light up any room you walk into. something that i was never able to do—and i’m so glad you possess that ability. when i started this blog i wasn’t sure what i’d think about it or if i’d keep it up but now i’m glad i do have this blog because i started it pretty much right around your 3rd birthday and you can see how much you’ve said and done this year. and i hope that you will treasure this the older you get. i know i will.

*sidenote that i detested this cake. i asked for a scooby doo cake for a 4 year old girl birthday party. instead i got a halloween cake or whatever the heck this was supposed to be! i was super bummed out but it still tasted good.

i can’t forget to add in all the santa outfit pictures. i’m putting them all in a row because look at you—look at how much you’ve changed and yet, 4 years old and all, you’re still our baby girl. you always will be.

so happy birthday baby girl. theres so much more i want to say but its hard to find the words TO say it. just know we love you so very much and we wish you the best year ever.

Love, your mama.

*message from daddy on its way*