Reflections
As Hannah gets older and approaches the “tween” years, I find myself reflecting on when she was Livie’s age and that leads to me really REALLY trying to memorize every last detail of Livie’s life right now because I know with age will come that terrible tween years.
I’m not looking forward to it.
The tween years are coming and they’re stealing my baby girl. I barely can remember when Hannah was sweet and cute and funny like Livie is now. Instead I get “I don’t wanna talk about school” Hannah or “Don’t talk to me” Hannah or my favorite “You’re SO mean and you understand NOTHING MOM!!!” Hannah. It’s a rocky road here lately…it has been for a couple years now but everyone tells me this is the worst age and she’ll get better.
I pray so. I miss my little girl.
Some days, though, there’s a glimmer of her. Like the other night when she asked if she could help me make dinner.
And when she offered to read a bedtime story to Livie.
When the sweet, old Hannah comes out I do have that glimmer of hope that this moody age will pass soon and she’ll be back to her old self. Or at least a more mature version of herself.
So I spent a lot of the week focusing on Livie and really sucking in the age she is now. Everything we’re doing this season for Fall or Halloween we did last year but since she was only 1 last year she’s forgotten it all. When we lit the fireplace she was in awe. When I showed her her Halloween costume she had to have it on RIGHT. THIS. SECOND. That’s why I waited to show it to her til she could wear it to school on Thursday for her party.
Makes me so excited for Monday and trick or treating. It’ll be like the first time for her even though she went last year and she’s so vocal now. I can’t wait to hear what she says about it.
Speaking of appreciating her age right now, the little man I nanny is 6 months old already. I got him when he was 2 months old. He’s growing and changing so fast and before I know it, he’ll be her age and she’ll be 4. When I think about that, I want to freeze time for just a little bit.
More coming next week on all our Halloween festivities this weekend. Hope yours is fab.
Riding and raining
My baby rode last night again.
We sat outside again in the 95 degree heat and watched Hannah ride in her second competition. My proud mama moments happened again. It’s unable to be helped. The way my heart races when I hear her name called. The way I gasp when she comes flying out of the gate on her horse. The sigh of relief when she makes all her turns and doesn’t hit a barrel or a pole and the triumph I feel when she sprints back toward the gate and I hear her time being called and it’s a good one.
It makes me tear up, even now. And the other little moments that happen out there are such a blessing to me. The way Livie cheers for her. The way our family comes together to clap and yell for Hannah. The way they help out with the baby while I run around taking pictures and instagraming/facebooking/texting them.
And as always, the way Livie watches Hannah and mocks her in her attempt to be just like big sister.
Sometimes I think my heart doesn’t have any more room to grow. I think that surely this is the most full it will ever be as I snap photos and smile with a tear at the corner of my eye. Then a few days later something else happens and then I think THAT was the most full it’ll ever be. Truth be told, it’ll never be full enough. So grateful for that.
Something else happened today that made me happy.
It rained. The other night it rained at my house for the first time in over 3 months. It was a light rain and I was sleeping so to me, that doesn’t even count. Today? It poured. The ground is soaked. The grass is soggy. We’ve been inside for most of the day. I even napped. We’ve all embraced the rainy day because we haven’t had one since February. It was epic. I’m even over the fact that the patio we were supposed to have poured tomorrow for our backyard renovation is now put off for a few days BECAUSE of this said rain. We needed it…and not just because the ground needed it. Our minds needed it…a day to slow down and just be together. And the nap? It was good.
The Rodeo
So this weekend was quite busy but in a good way because I was busy doing things I wanted to do. Last night I sat on the couch taking it all in and couldn’t believe it was already Sunday night and the end of my weekend. I never want my weekends to end and I look forward to when I quit this job and at least for a month until I find another job, every day will be a weekend. That is the life.
Saturday morning I spent my time with my in laws and ate these.
And drank these.
Yesterday was the big day of our weekend. Yesterday was rodeo day. I had planned this day for months. Selena Gomez was going to perform and I wanted to surprise Hannah with seeing her. Selena is her favorite singer and I knew the rodeo in itself was going to fascinate her because she loves animals so much. But to see her favorite singer? Forget it. I’ve been so excited for months waiting til I could take her and then surprise her on video with that news. So we donned our rodeo gear and headed out…including these boots I bought which OMG, aren’t they fabulous?
As you can see, still totally using the crap out of the phone on my camera. I freakin love it and it’s much more fun than a point and shoot. Of course, nothing will ever replace my DSLR but for cute snapshots? LOVE. MY. PHONE.
Beef jerky on a stick!
And Hannah got new boots too.
We watched all the rodeo events and then it was time to tell her about Selena. Now mind you, every little girl had on Selena t shirts and were squealing with excitement so Hannah asked me a few times if Selena was going to be there. I just played dumb for hours and finally, I couldn’t take it anymore so I told her. Hit play because her expression is priceless.
After that, these happened. She was so happy.
By the way, Selena kicked ass. I love her and totally think she’s such a good role model for Hannah.
Livie wanted in on some of the rodeo action too.
When I moved here from Ohio I never would have thought that I’d look forward to a rodeo or even more so, WANT cowboy boots and actually BUY them. I’ve definitely “gone country” and embrace living in Texas. It’s fabulous here and I can’t imagine NOT living here now. If you tried it, you’d like it too. Happy Monday!
Dynamic
The sister dynamic is forming between Hannah and Livie. What I mean by that is, that now that Livie is understanding more and walking and just getting into the toddler phase, she’s starting to really take an interest in Hannah. She still has her moments where she won’t let Hannah get near her and Hannah still gets mad about that and says she wishes she didn’t have a little sister. Then I have to get after her for saying that and explain that Livie is moody sometimes just like she is and it’s all good in the hood.
But then there are days like the past few days that really show me how these girls are gonna be. They’ll be like normal sisters are. They’ll get along most days, fight some days, but love eachother ALL days. That’s all I can really aim for, right? Considering how my relationships are with my sisters….this is actually ideal in my brain. Livie follows Hannah around and tries to be like her.
Hannah isn’t annoyed by this yet so she’ll do silly things and see if Livie will mock her. Then we all laugh when Livie does whatever Hannah’s doing but in her 1 year old way that makes it so cute and entertaining. Last night she decided she was going to mock Hannah’s needle in her solo. This is Hannah’s needle.
This is Livie’s needle.
She did get a leg up but I didn’t get the picture fast enough. Damn camera phones! Needless to say, this all makes Hannah very happy.
I can tell she really enjoys being a role model to her baby sister. I keep telling her eventually Livie will really open up and want to do everything with Hannah and let Hannah carry her around and love all over her like she used to when she was tiny. Right now though, Livie is enjoying her newfound toddlerhood freedom.
So are we.
All around me
Love. It’s all around me. Every single day. I’ve been in a major funk since my dad’s birthday last week. Someone in my family even said that I should leave my dad dead and buried and not drudge up the past and his flaws. Apparently this person chooses to live in a hole and instead of dealing with their issues they prefer to hide them away. That’s them. I can’t be like that. I have to talk about things…I have to deal with things to move on. That blog post last week was closure for me in one way…and it opened a whole other can of worms in another emotionally for me. Anyway, after talking to Hubs this weekend about all my issues surrounding my dad…and about 5 other things that have happened to me in my past that I think about EVERY. SINGLE. DAY and I carry around with my every single day…well we both agreed I need to talk to someone. I dunno when I’ll start or when I’ll even have time BUT it’s something I eventually need to do. I mean, I’ve been getting around for the past 20 years carrying things with me and adding more so I know I’m not gonna go crazy immediately. I’m good at coping. I’m good at pushing everything to the back of my mind so I can function like a normal person. But at night, when it’s quiet, they all come back. I cry. I get mad. I get sad. They’re there…everyday. It’s not good for someone to carry things around. I know that they’re things that happened in the past so I can’t change what or how they happened. But I can change how I feel about them. I’ve tried on my own and I can’t so I know I need to get help in that area. Big step forward for me.
That was last night though. Saturday Hannah danced in her last regional competition. The girl blew me away and danced the best she ever had. She also scored the best she ever had.
You can’t really tell, but she was holding up a peace sign in this picture. It’s like she knew her momma needed some peace. I could not live without this girl.
So after all the dance craziness on Saturday we relaxed with family yesterday at one of Hannah and Livie’s cousin’s 2nd birthday party. Now that this little girl is 2 I’m all giddy with excitement because I remember when Hannah turned 2 and how much changed from 2 to 3. We have so many boys in the family but she’s the 1st little girl I get to watch grow up since Hannah. Her mom got her THE awesomest cake and decorations (aside from Hannah’s 7th birthday that is!)
I mean, a purse on a cake? DREAM. COME. TRUE.
So seeing the excitement on her face as she peeked at her gifts before she opened them got ME so excited for what’s to come with Livie.
Kids change so much everyday the first few years and I remember how much fun it was with Hannah. I’m thrilled I get to do it all again. I plan to drink up every last drop of their childhoods because I know they will be gone in the blink of an eye.
And this girl? I can’t live without her either.
Dancing…and walking
I stood by my word and took a picture last night of Hannah with her trophy and medals.
And I also said I’d share some pictures of her being silly in our hotel room.
After I took Hannah’s pictures I started taking apart my camera when Livie decided she was going to show me what she did while I was gone Saturday night. She stood up and took steps to me. Then fell down. Then stood back up and took MORE steps. And I was like OH EM GEE! GET THAT CAMERA BACK TOGETHER BECKS! So I did.
She looks like she’s dancing lol
“I DID IT MOM!”
She’s so proud of herself.
I really encourage y’all who don’t take pictures often to start. I take a lot but I want to take MORE. I want hundreds of pictures each week of my girls. These are just a few I took last night. I took about 20 total of Livie standing and walking. When I read blogs like Kelle Hampton’s I get inspired. I want posts filled with photos of my girls. I want to capture their moments more often than just on the weekend. I’m gonna start now.
First time for everything
That’s my motto today as I sit here and think about the whirlwind dance competition weekend we had and how I took NO PICTURES. Not a one. Not any of her with her costumes on. None of her with her friends. Nothing. I took some of Hannah playing in the hotel room after the competition. That doesn’t count. I feel kinda crappy about this. I totally meant to take some pictures of her with her trophy and 2 medals she won. Also didn’t get to do that. I amaze myself. Truly. It’s just not like me. But OMG the competition was just crazy and hectic and PURE INSANITY. For like the first time ever it didn’t even cross my mind that maybe I should document it with pictures.
Don’t worry. I’m not losing it. I might have a few times over the weekend (hence the no pictures) but I’m the same me. So tonight I’m vowing to get a picture of her after her dance class with her trophy and medals. I have to. Y’all are just dying to see it anyway, right? HAH.
In other news, I was gone over night and when I got home yesterday afternoon Hubs informed me that Livie took more steps and was getting braver about walking while holding onto things all over the house. I leave for ONE FREAKIN NIGHT and the kid does something new. Hello Mommy Guilt. We’re old friends. Great to see you again, you whore. It’s like I can’t win. I spend one weekend with one kid, the other kid does something. I’m sure Hubs dealt with that as well as he missed all of Hannah’s dancing to be with our other kid. BALANCE. Grrr.
Like I said—WHORES. Balance and Mommy Guilt are big fat hairy whores.
So tomorrow, to help some of my guilt, pictures will be posted of The Trophy. And of The Medals. And Hannah doing silly things in our hotel room.
The end.
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