Dynamic
The sister dynamic is forming between Hannah and Livie. What I mean by that is, that now that Livie is understanding more and walking and just getting into the toddler phase, she’s starting to really take an interest in Hannah. She still has her moments where she won’t let Hannah get near her and Hannah still gets mad about that and says she wishes she didn’t have a little sister. Then I have to get after her for saying that and explain that Livie is moody sometimes just like she is and it’s all good in the hood.
But then there are days like the past few days that really show me how these girls are gonna be. They’ll be like normal sisters are. They’ll get along most days, fight some days, but love eachother ALL days. That’s all I can really aim for, right? Considering how my relationships are with my sisters….this is actually ideal in my brain. Livie follows Hannah around and tries to be like her.
Hannah isn’t annoyed by this yet so she’ll do silly things and see if Livie will mock her. Then we all laugh when Livie does whatever Hannah’s doing but in her 1 year old way that makes it so cute and entertaining. Last night she decided she was going to mock Hannah’s needle in her solo. This is Hannah’s needle.
This is Livie’s needle.
She did get a leg up but I didn’t get the picture fast enough. Damn camera phones! Needless to say, this all makes Hannah very happy.
I can tell she really enjoys being a role model to her baby sister. I keep telling her eventually Livie will really open up and want to do everything with Hannah and let Hannah carry her around and love all over her like she used to when she was tiny. Right now though, Livie is enjoying her newfound toddlerhood freedom.
So are we.
All around me
Love. It’s all around me. Every single day. I’ve been in a major funk since my dad’s birthday last week. Someone in my family even said that I should leave my dad dead and buried and not drudge up the past and his flaws. Apparently this person chooses to live in a hole and instead of dealing with their issues they prefer to hide them away. That’s them. I can’t be like that. I have to talk about things…I have to deal with things to move on. That blog post last week was closure for me in one way…and it opened a whole other can of worms in another emotionally for me. Anyway, after talking to Hubs this weekend about all my issues surrounding my dad…and about 5 other things that have happened to me in my past that I think about EVERY. SINGLE. DAY and I carry around with my every single day…well we both agreed I need to talk to someone. I dunno when I’ll start or when I’ll even have time BUT it’s something I eventually need to do. I mean, I’ve been getting around for the past 20 years carrying things with me and adding more so I know I’m not gonna go crazy immediately. I’m good at coping. I’m good at pushing everything to the back of my mind so I can function like a normal person. But at night, when it’s quiet, they all come back. I cry. I get mad. I get sad. They’re there…everyday. It’s not good for someone to carry things around. I know that they’re things that happened in the past so I can’t change what or how they happened. But I can change how I feel about them. I’ve tried on my own and I can’t so I know I need to get help in that area. Big step forward for me.
That was last night though. Saturday Hannah danced in her last regional competition. The girl blew me away and danced the best she ever had. She also scored the best she ever had.
You can’t really tell, but she was holding up a peace sign in this picture. It’s like she knew her momma needed some peace. I could not live without this girl.
So after all the dance craziness on Saturday we relaxed with family yesterday at one of Hannah and Livie’s cousin’s 2nd birthday party. Now that this little girl is 2 I’m all giddy with excitement because I remember when Hannah turned 2 and how much changed from 2 to 3. We have so many boys in the family but she’s the 1st little girl I get to watch grow up since Hannah. Her mom got her THE awesomest cake and decorations (aside from Hannah’s 7th birthday that is!)
I mean, a purse on a cake? DREAM. COME. TRUE.
So seeing the excitement on her face as she peeked at her gifts before she opened them got ME so excited for what’s to come with Livie.
Kids change so much everyday the first few years and I remember how much fun it was with Hannah. I’m thrilled I get to do it all again. I plan to drink up every last drop of their childhoods because I know they will be gone in the blink of an eye.
And this girl? I can’t live without her either.
A Ray of Sunshine
I’ve been kind of down in the dumps since Wednesday. Blogging about my dad sucked the life out of me. Realizing things for the first time Wednesday literally 5 minutes before I blogged really REALLY upset me. Livie obviously knew that I was upset because don’t kids get vibes off of us? I dunno. Anyway, I told y’all that she had started to get braver and take more steps. All week long I’d get home from work and she’d stand up right away and take 4 or 5 steps to me. Last night I was in the kitchen and she got up and walked clear across the living room to me. I was just standing there in amazement. Like OMG FINALLY this child is walking. So I got a video. Of course, when I’m recording her she doesn’t walk as well but I don’t care. At least I got it documented that yesterday was the day she walked across a room for me…to me.
Hannah’s got her last regional dance competition this weekend. Then we FINALLY get a break until recital in 4 weeks. Nationals aren’t until July so the break is welcomed. Getting up at 6 am on Saturdays is not exactly my forte.
Then again, neither is talking on video. Good lord, you think I’d just stop already.
Happy Friday!
Dancing…and walking
I stood by my word and took a picture last night of Hannah with her trophy and medals.
And I also said I’d share some pictures of her being silly in our hotel room.
After I took Hannah’s pictures I started taking apart my camera when Livie decided she was going to show me what she did while I was gone Saturday night. She stood up and took steps to me. Then fell down. Then stood back up and took MORE steps. And I was like OH EM GEE! GET THAT CAMERA BACK TOGETHER BECKS! So I did.
She looks like she’s dancing lol
“I DID IT MOM!”
She’s so proud of herself.
I really encourage y’all who don’t take pictures often to start. I take a lot but I want to take MORE. I want hundreds of pictures each week of my girls. These are just a few I took last night. I took about 20 total of Livie standing and walking. When I read blogs like Kelle Hampton’s I get inspired. I want posts filled with photos of my girls. I want to capture their moments more often than just on the weekend. I’m gonna start now.
First time for everything
That’s my motto today as I sit here and think about the whirlwind dance competition weekend we had and how I took NO PICTURES. Not a one. Not any of her with her costumes on. None of her with her friends. Nothing. I took some of Hannah playing in the hotel room after the competition. That doesn’t count. I feel kinda crappy about this. I totally meant to take some pictures of her with her trophy and 2 medals she won. Also didn’t get to do that. I amaze myself. Truly. It’s just not like me. But OMG the competition was just crazy and hectic and PURE INSANITY. For like the first time ever it didn’t even cross my mind that maybe I should document it with pictures.
Don’t worry. I’m not losing it. I might have a few times over the weekend (hence the no pictures) but I’m the same me. So tonight I’m vowing to get a picture of her after her dance class with her trophy and medals. I have to. Y’all are just dying to see it anyway, right? HAH.
In other news, I was gone over night and when I got home yesterday afternoon Hubs informed me that Livie took more steps and was getting braver about walking while holding onto things all over the house. I leave for ONE FREAKIN NIGHT and the kid does something new. Hello Mommy Guilt. We’re old friends. Great to see you again, you whore. It’s like I can’t win. I spend one weekend with one kid, the other kid does something. I’m sure Hubs dealt with that as well as he missed all of Hannah’s dancing to be with our other kid. BALANCE. Grrr.
Like I said—WHORES. Balance and Mommy Guilt are big fat hairy whores.
So tomorrow, to help some of my guilt, pictures will be posted of The Trophy. And of The Medals. And Hannah doing silly things in our hotel room.
The end.
Round 2
Hannah is stubborn. Hannah is spiteful. Hannah has a strong personality born to lead and taking orders from people, for her, is not an easy task.
Hannah is just like her father.
I’ve mentioned before that I really hoped that Livie would be more like me. More passive. Not stubborn. Go with the flow. I knew if she was like this she wouldn’t shine as much as Hannah did and that she might have issues with living in her shadow but I promised myself that I’d make it up to her. I’d let her know she was just as fabulous as Hannah even if she wasn’t as funny or outgoing. I’m not outgoing. I would know what she was going through.
Except in the past 2 weeks, Livie has shown us that she is not like me. She is also just like her father. Maybe even more than Hannah is, if that’s even possible. Hubs mom was telling me this morning that Livie pulled something that Hubs used to do when he was her age. She put her down for a minute to do something and Livie was all offended by this. When she said “Ok…come here. Let Nana hold her” instead of coming to Nana…she freakin laid down on the floor…sprawled out…giving her this look…and WOULD NOT COME. Hannah did some similar things like this but never actually did this exact thing. The exact thing that Hubs used to do. I won’t even get into her fits now of throwing things when she’s mad.
So, while I prayed that I wouldn’t have 2 strong, stubborn, BIG PERSONALITIED children…that prayer was not answered. They will bicker even more than I thought. They will fight me on everything, just like Hannah already does. But they’ll make me laugh so much like Hannah already does. They’ll come home with stories about boyfriends and school and dance that I’ll share here and we’ll all laugh together. I’m scared of the gray hair I’ll be getting from these two. I’m dreading the future arguments with Livie I was hoping to avoid with a more passive child. But when I look at the big picture, I’m kind of glad about this. I’ve always hated how passive I am…how I let people walk all over me. My daughters won’t be like this. They won’t take crap from anyone. They’ll be strong and independant.
They’ll be rockstars.
Speaking of rockstars, Livie sang to me last night. Like all night. I decided to get a video of it. Right before she sang she decided to destroy my living room with toys so excuse that mess.
Texas Blue Bonnets
As promised, here are the pictures I took Sunday night. The good, the bad, the crying, the funny….there’s a lot so here we go.
We started off ok. I figured, let me get Livie’s done first since she’ll be the worst to photograph.
She was clearly NOT interested. Like at all.
So she said “Yo mom, I’m outta here. See ya” and took off. That was the end of that.
Now Hannah on the other hand…ham city!
My fav of her. I’m still amazed at how stunning she is. Like seriously, how did we create such a perfect face?
Then little miss I’m Outta Here decided to play nice for a bit and let me get this one of her.
My fav of Liv. Another perfect little face.
And then this happened. No perfect smiles. And yet…it’s perfect. It’s real. It’s our life. Hannah wanting so badly to hold her baby sister who USED to let her hold her and now cries every. single. time. I feel bad for her…but I told her there’ll come a day when Livie will WANT to be around her and she won’t want her to be. She replied “Yeah. I feel that way now.” HAH.
So we grabbed Livie off her lap and just told her to go run around and play.
Livie watched from a much happier spot in Daddy’s arms.
Then I had Hubs take this one. Me with my babies outside on a perfect weather, perfect sunshiney, perfect family day.
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