My day
Friday morning The Man called me and asked me if I was going to get the ring I had been eyeballing for a couple weeks for Mother’s Day. He wanted to be sure I had a gift for my day.
By the way, I may or may not have said “I believe this is MY day!” a few times. I even stole my friend’s line and said “Happy MY day!” because it was.
I look forward to Mother’s Day every year. Although my family honors me more than just 1 day a year, it’s the 1 day that I can walk around and not only opt out of chores or dishes or cooking but also to really take time to appreciate being blessed like I have been. See, Mother’s Day isn’t totally about my being honored for being a good mom to my girls. It’s also a day I focus on BEING that mom to my girls and all that I have because I’m their mom.
I will admit that the kids tested my limits A LOT this week. Livie has been in a crying/whining phase out of nowhere and if I never heard her cry over us turning off one of her TV shows again, it’d be too soon. She also was sick earlier this week and after another trip to the doctor where I reassured the staff it’s not a coin lodged in her throat this time but something WAS wrong, her doctor found ear infections in both her ears and giving Livie her medicine has been less than fun. Top that with Hannah’s school project due, which by the way I think is lame for a project to be due the LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL, and when I woke up yesterday I was relieved that it was in fact, MY day. I let my kids love on me. I accepted their home made cards and projects. I ordered the ring The Man asked me about, which by the way is fabulous.
I made sure I laughed a little harder at Hannah’s jokes. I cuddled Livie even though she cried a little too much for my liking. These girls are my gifts from God and they gave me the best present ever, which is being their mother. Everyone has different dreams in life, and while some women’s dreams don’t include being a mom, mine always did. I dreamt of it as a child, babying my Cabbage Patch Dolls as if they were real, live newborns. I knew how to change their diapers and rock them to sleep, giving light kisses to their plastic heads. I was destined to be a mother and on Mother’s Day every year I appreciate that gift a little extra.
My ring gets here in a few weeks and I can’t wait. I’ll look down at it and see their names and all 4 of our stones and I’ll be proud of what it stands for. I love our little family and it’s exactly what I prayed for…hard times and all.
Instagram block:
I’m @TheBecksB on there if you want to follow me!
Looking forward to another week of a little hectic, mixed with crazy, topped with smiles. So far, May is being good to us.
Hello May!
I realized with all the insanity that was my April that I totally forgot to mention that April 4th marked a year since I quit my job.
Best year of my life, might I add.
I only planned to really stay home from work through the summer so it’s been awesome to be off this long. By the time I start my new job at the church in the fall it would have been a year and a half of not working and that makes me happy. I wish I could stay home and not work forever but I enjoy doing things like eating and having AC in the summer so working part time with perfect hours will be just what we need.
And so it’s May and I’m happy. May is really when summer starts here for us. We don’t really have much of a spring or fall. It’s just summer and, like, kind of winter here. So summer is here and my thoughts have shifted to the beach and the pool and crawfish boils.
We’ve been cooking out the past couple months almost every Sunday. The Man grills steaks and we sit on the patio drinking beer and watching the kids play. I honestly can’t think of a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon. I was just telling The Man as I sat out there yesterday that it’s going to be too hot soon to really enjoy sitting outside. Then I decided that actually, it’s already kind of too hot and that I dread our sauna of a summer here. Then again, last summer was the worst one Houston has seen since 1914 and I loved every second of it, disgustingly hot or not.
So I say yay to May and bring it, Mother Nature. I’m mostly sure I don’t care what kind of summer we have as long as the hurricanes stay away and the Sundays on the patio continue.
Even if our mosquitos are the size of pigeons and I sweat the second I walk out there.
So I DID make sure that I took some pictures this weekend because I’m a slacker and I hate it when I slack. I never regret taking photos. I do regret when I don’t. I am a self saboteur…I should just take pictures all the time so I won’t be mad at myself later.
I also should stop blogging random thoughts so much.
She looked so cute sitting there with that volleyball.
The moment quickly ended after I took these because she almost knocked down everything on our mantle. 3 year olds and volleyballs inside the house don’t mix, FYI.
But this? This is golden. She told me she wanted to watch The Princess and Frog upstairs after we turned on one of our shows downstairs. It was a little too quiet and I found her like this. As I’ve said before, I can never EVER have too many sleeping kid pictures.
Side note: I can’t take away her paci just yet. I realize that she’s 3 and it’s ridiculous that she has one…but she’s my baby y’all. And while I’m sure I’ll be mad at myself later when her dental bills are insane, I just can’t do it yet. I vowed to take it this summer before school starts because she’s already the only kid who has a paci still in school. And I will take it the same way I took her bottle and potty trained her. Baby steps…it’s the only way I can let go of her being my baby. My last baby.
Speaking of, something that kind of sucked but was mostly good that I did this weekend was give away my crib. We were given a crib when Hannah was born from The Man’s stepmom and Hannah never slept in it. When I was pregnant with Livie I was determined to eventually transition her to a crib unlike her older sister so my mother in law and step mother in law pitched in and got me a gorgeous crib. Then I had Livie and she was so tiny at 5 lbs 13 oz and I took one look at that crib and cried. I knew that it was going to stay beautiful and perfect because there was no way my tiny baby girl would ever sleep in it. She never did. In fact, she’s still in our bed. I don’t know why I thought that we would change our minds about co-sleeping since we did it with Hannah but we never did change our minds. 3 years later Livie is still in our bed and the crib is brand new. Finally someone I know is pregnant and needs a crib so on Saturday she came to get it. I won’t lie and say it didn’t make my heart ache just a little. I packed up the bedding and even threw in the infant seat because I don’t need that anymore either. We are sure we are done having kids. I like having just 2 kids and I look forward to family trips without diaper bags and bottles and babies. I look forward to moving on with our family life together, just the 4 of us. But, as most women can relate, making the final choice and doing something massive like giving away the crib, even though she never slept in it, is sad. It’s final.
The crib is gone and Livie’s room has toys where her crib was. She played in it all weekend. “I love my room!!” she said. Yup, we are moving right along.
Instagram block:
I’m @TheBecksB on there if you want to follow me!
Hannah gets out of school in 3 weeks. Livie’s last week is next week. All of us are looking forward to beach days and pool days and I can’t believe that it’s already about to be my second summer off work and home doing fun things with the kids all summer.
Happy May!
It goes a little something like this
Since the norm lately has been a little good, then a little MORE bad, then more good the week/weekend I had followed suit.
I can’t complain because at the end of the day we are all happy and healthy and that’s all I can say I really want out of life.
Right now anyway.
A couple weeks ago Mr. Mans’ mom told me she would be working 5 days a week compared to the 3 she does now and she felt that she needed to put the baby in daycare because that’d be a lot for me to take on. I’m ok with this because the week before she told me this I got a job with our church working the Mother’s Day Out program with the 1 year olds. It’s a blessing in disguise how things work because I mulled over how I would tell his mom and I knew I would offer to take him with me but now it all works out perfectly. I will miss having him, of course. I mean, look at this face.
But 5 days a week all day IS a lot for me to take on especially in the summer when both of my girls are home every day ALL day too. I’ll be working 2 days a week in the summer at the church and then 4 days a week in the fall. I am grateful because the hours are 9-2 which is perfect for me to be able to take Hannah to school still in the morning and Livie will continue to go there as she did this year. Then we get off in time to get back here at home to wait on Hannah’s bus. The best part is I’ll be working in the same class as my mother in law. It couldn’t have been wrapped up more perfectly for me. I’m very thankful. Plus Mr. Mans and I will have future play dates because he’s so sweet. And look! He’s walking now!
A little bad mixed into to stir things up like our fridge is dying and we probably need to get a new one. Not easily done on one income. We’re trying to get every last drop out of that thing before we have to cave and get a new one.
But if I could come up with a perfect weekend at home, it’d go a little something like this.
83 degrees under clear, sunny skies. No humidity. Steaks on the grill. Homemade salsa. Bud Light Lime. The kids playing in the sprinklers.
I seriously could not have asked for a more perfect day at home. The weather was awesome and when awesome weather calls, we answer. That patio we put in was the best investment we made last year. We sat outside all day under the umbrella sipping on beers and talking while the girls ran around and played.
It even made me forget about the fridge for a few hours.
Instagram block:
I’m @TheBecksB if you want to follow my addiction.
Today I am home alone while my girls are at school. I’ve spent hours cleaning and folding laundry, but made sure to set aside time to write a little bit. My stomach is growling. It’s time for lunch and Water for Elephants waits for me on my DVR.
Happy Tuesday.
Love and marriage…and tears
I know this will be hard to believe to those of you that know me, but I barely took any pictures when I was in Ohio for my sister’s wedding.
…….
Are you over the shock yet?
I DID take a lot on my phone but barely any with my point and shoot and NONE on my big camera. Turns out when you’re IN a wedding you’re actually pretty busy. Who knew?
Totally joking. I DID know but still…shame on me.
The wedding was gorgeous…the reception was amazing…I hung out with family and friends and had such a wonderful time. My sister is now a married woman and joins my club of married daughters to my parents.
Y’all know how much I love love. Sometimes I think love is the only thing that keeps me going on the worst days. My sister and I don’t always see eye to eye but I was genuinely happy for her on her day. I could really feel the love between her and her husband (still weird to say!) and the day was gorgeous.
I made little Instagram collages of my time in Ohio…
Sidenote: my new niece Ella is to die for. She truly is the best baby in the whole world and I ALMOST kidnapped her the day I left. Just saying.
Another sidenote: I may or may not have texted The Man after my hair and make up was done with a picture of me telling him I looked bad ass and he’s missing it all.
This is the first time in ages that when I said goodbye to my family I didn’t have a future date in mind for when I’d be back.
That killed me.
Usually when I leave I’m saying “See you in November!” or “See you in the summer!!” This time? Nothing. I don’t know when we’ll be back. I HOPE summer of 2013 but OMG doesn’t that seem like so far away? Saying bye to my niece who’s so tiny and knowing the next time I see her she’ll be walking and talking killed me. Saying bye to my mom who cries EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I come back home kills me. To know SHE doesn’t have a date in mind to look forward to kills me. Distance sucks. I love living down here. Texas is my home and I can’t imagine living anywhere else. But Ohio will always be home too and it pains a little more each time I leave my growing family.
I literally just took a very deep breath and let out a long sigh.
Typing it out doesn’t make it any easier than saying it outloud. Emotional overload.
Speaking of hard emotions, I went to my dad and grandparent’s graves while I was up there. I keep thinking that one day when I go to my dad’s grave I’ll be able to without crying. That day is nowhere close. I was fine driving into the cemetery. I was fine as I got out of the car and walked up to his grave. As soon as I stood there and read his headstone a few times the tears flowed. There’s just so much…he’s around though a lot and I take huge comfort in that. My best friend teases me cause I’ll tell her about the conversations I have with my dad still even after he’s gone and she jokes about how I argue with him in the afterlife. I told her “Of course I do. Now I can without his stupid reasoning getting in my way!” and we crack up. It’s true though. I’ve always loved my dad. He pissed me off A LOT when he was alive. But he’s gone now and for as much as I forgive people when they’re alive and in my life daily…how much more have I forgiven him in his death.
But with all of that, the weekend was still fabulous and I had a great time and by Monday I was ready to get home to my babies.
Back to regular blogging later this week or next week. Until then, love.
Insecurity and Easter happenings
When I’m upset, I clean. My house has been the most spotless ever after an argument with The Man that spawned a 3 hour cleaning marathon. When I’m cleaning I can think and Lord can I ever take out my feelings on a dirty bathroom.
Last night my downstairs was immaculate.
A few thoughtless comments from The Man, like ” Man, I never have any clean shorts” and ” You still haven’t bought coke?” or ” This closet needs cleaned”, and I’m in the kitchen getting the broom and dustpan. I got home hours earlier and noticed the floors needed swept and laundry needed done but I had a book I wanted to read and I knew the cleaning could wait. As the last passive aggressive comment came from his mouth I set my book down and began to clean. It was a short clean up- 30 minutes but it was enough time to settle down.
After a 5 minute silent ride in the car The Man finally asked me what was wrong and I told him that I couldn’t think of one day this week that he wasn’t saying something to me that I didn’t like. He swore up and down that he didn’t mean it the way I took it. After his hand rested on my leg for the rest of the drive I calmed down even more and said to myself that my insecurity has once again claimed my emotions.
Yes, I am very insecure. When I was 10, 15, or heck, even 20 I handled my insecurities of an alcoholic father and a mother in a wheelchair by crying or writing in my diary. When I was a teenager and we lived on foodstamps I handled my insecurities by recording every song on the radio that mimicked how I felt and committed them to memory. Now that I’m 30? I clean. It’s no secret that I suck at handling my emotions and insecurity is a big fat elephant in my room of emotions. I try not to let it get to me mostly by telling myself I’m ridiculous to ever feel insecure. And yet, I’m not. Plenty has happened for me to NOT feel secure. I just sometimes misplace my insecurity and so a few comments from my husband turns into me thinking he doesn’t respect me and is ungrateful.
Then I wonder why he gives me “that look” sometimes.
That topped with a lice outbreak in my house this week (I won’t even get into how much THAT sucked) and my week was shaping up to be kind of stupid. I even tweeted on Wednesday something like “Today is stupid.” I kept telling myself that lice or insecurity isn’t that big of a deal and in the grand scheme of things in life it’s a very minor bump in the road. But in that moment, when I sent that tweet, that day was stupid.
Lice are stupid, by the way.
So now it’s Saturday and I’m feeling better and the lice are gone. I have a carton of a dozen colored eggs that symbolized an awesome day of tradition in our family. Our annual egg coloring afternoon on Good Friday.
I take a picture of the blank canvas the kids see of eggs ready to be colored every year because they sit there around the table staring at the white eggs while we mix colors and dyes. Their eyes are glued to those white eggs and they already know which color they want first and call them out so that no one else can have it before they do. I can’t believe there aren’t fights over colors, actually. But there aren’t. They are all in this together.
The winner for best egg.
Livie had a little Easter Egg hunt at school on Thursday too. For the past few years she was too young to really care about hunting eggs but this year she took it and ran. With every egg she found she’d run to me to show me and yell ” I FOUND AN EGG!!!”
She napped with her basket that afternoon.
And the obligatory picture of Livie and her cousin after a school party because they’re too cute to not take one.
The book I mentioned earlier that I wanted to read instead of cleaning my house? It’s Bloom by Kelle Hampton. I emailed Kelle not too long after she had Nella after I was already quite obsessed with her blog to ask her if she was really writing a book like she mentioned on her blog. She told me yes she was and it’d be out in a year or so. The countdown started for me that day and when my book came Thursday afternoon it was all I could do to not cancel all future plans until I finished it.
I finished it this morning. It was amazing. Read it if you want to be inspired.
We have a lot of Easter weekend family plans left that I must get to. It’s 11:30 on a Saturday and we’re all still in our PJs when we all have a lot to do.
But first, an Instagram block:
I’m @TheBecksB if you want to follow me.
Wishing you all a Happy Easter tomorrow. Have a great rest of your weekend.
I got up
After I published that post last week I received emails, tweets, comments, and texts about what I said. Everything was so sweet and encouraging and it’s just what I needed. I forget that there are many of you who read but don’t comment…but you’re out there.
I’m grateful for you.
One of you (hi @ynotkissme!!!) reached out to me on Twitter like 5 seconds after I posted that post to let me know she read it and she was here…but that it was also a little refreshing to know that I have bad days too. Thank you for that. I do have bad days but I don’t usually post about them. I did more when I worked and I just NEEDED that release. These days I’m much more content so I handle the bad better. I do promise though to blog about them more when they come. As Chrisor told me, she knows I’m a real person by my Instagram and Tweets but it was nice to read it in my blog too. Noted. Thank you.
I spent the rest of the week really taking advantage of all the good things in my life, though. I needed it to pick myself back up. Sometimes in bad times I take more photos. Sometimes I don’t. This week was a don’t. I took a good amount on my phone but only 1 on my camera. When weeks like that end I kind of kick myself because I thrive so much on taking photos and editing them…it’s my thing. The ones I did take on my phone though? Priceless.
Livie and her cousin before school last Thursday. They had Easter pictures. These two with all their cute…melt my heart, right?
Same with them. They are my little fashionistas.
Instagram block:
I’m @TheBecksB if you want to follow my addiction. Also, welcome to all the new Droid users who got Instagram today.
Ending this quick post with my favorite picture of her in weeks. I promise to catch up soon on my picture taking because all this cute begs to be photographed.
No tears today. Just big, grateful smiles.
Rainbowy
So, I have to confess that I was feeling rather uninspired to blog today. Yesterday I thought to myself that I would because I’ve edited a lot of good pictures lately and I wanted to share them with you all here. I also realized that it had been almost a week since I blogged last which is unlike me. But when I finally got the time today I sat in front of this computer and sighed. My mind was on a book I wanted to read and a few TV shows I wanted to watch on my DVR. I scolded myself though because I know me well and I knew that once I sat and got the pictures together that I wanted to blog inspiration would smack me in the face like it always does.
So here I am.
HI!
For about 2.5 years now the caption under my blog title has read “Trying to capture life’s rainbows and unicorns.” Most of the time this is so true of me. I may not always say it out loud but when bad things happen I sit there and try to find a silver lining…ANY silver lining…that’ll make it better. Or at least help me handle it better. Move the mountain or move yourself, right? For a better part of my life it was always me moving myself. For the past few years it’s been the mountains bowing out of my way.
I am so grateful for that.
We all have our bad days, yes. Of course we do. But the good days? They outweight the bad by bucketfuls. So when I sat here thinking I didn’t want to blog I knew that the proverbial rainbow and unicorn would appear with each picture that I edited because…well, just look.
My mother in law gave me her camera to get the pictures from their trip off of it. After I looked at them all, I texted her and told her “Y’all are the best grandparents ever.” With each click I smiled bigger and bigger and I found myself saying “Awwww” out loud a few times. My girls are so blessed to have amazing grandparents that do this for them. I mean, they came home happy and talked endlessly for days about how much fun they had. Livie told me for days that she wanted to go back to the lake to ride her pony. I just didn’t know HOW much fun they really had until I looked through the pictures. And so see? This is why I take so many photos. Whether it’s to remember a fantastic trip or to help The Man’s cousin out when she texts me at 10 at night that she needs pictures of her daughter for school and within minutes I was emailing her 10 pictures of her baby…it’s important to me. I was glad my mother in law took those pictures because now I have the memory of it also just as my girls do.
The day they got home looked like this.
They spent days together and didn’t have enough.
This is what I pictured that night years ago when Hannah literally got on her knees at the window in our bedroom and looked up to the sky and begged God to put a baby in her mama’s belly and please make it a girl. I’m pretty sure it’s what God pictured too when he gave her her wish.
If that wasn’t rainbowy enough for you, there’s this.
I said it last week and I meant it. The bluebonnets are kind of a big deal here in Texas and because they’re only out for like a month you have to get pictures at the exact right time or else you’re out of luck. This year Hannah alerted me to the fact that she wasn’t interested in taking bluebonnet pictures and if I made her she would “make faces.” Instead of arguing with her and making her go when I knew we’d argue and it’d ruin the picture perfect image of what I originally imagined of my girls posed perfectly in the flowers, I told her that was fine. Pre-teen angst is no joke y’all. Pick your battles…that’s my motto. So I took Livie out there alone. I will admit that the perfectness wasn’t there either as I imagined because once she saw a grasshopper she lost it and well…we only got a few good pictures with the help of bribery of chocolate if she would be good.
Bribery is my friend. Bribery worked for Hannah. Bribery works for Livie.
Then I snapped this gem. It’s my favorite of the day and since taking it it’s become my phone, iPad, and Facebook wallpaper.
All that was missing was a rainbow over her head. Then again, I see it even if no one else does.
I got her the king sized Hershey bar immediately after.
Instagram block:
I’m @TheBecksB on there if you want to follow my addiction.
In wrapping up this post I realize that this was exactly what I needed right now today. Still loving love, by the way. This post was the cherry on top. Soak up the good to the last drop and when the bad comes know that good is just around the corner.
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