I love love
I went to a wedding this weekend and I said twice in that night that I love love. I do. I love all kinds of love. I love the way I love my kids. I love the way my kids love me. I love that I still love my husband after almost 14 years together. I love that his family loves me.
And since I love love so much I love weddings. I love seeing two people come together because they love each other and I love the newness and freshness of two lives starting together, especially since it’s been 10 years of marriage for us and I know what they have in store. I love the way family and friends gather for weddings and how everyone is so happy. Love is a beautiful thing and I am in love with love. I truly am. I cry at almost every wedding I go to. I cry at the videos they show at receptions of the bride and groom or of the bride with her dad as was the case this weekend as she danced with her father. It doesn’t matter how close I am to the couple getting married…I cry. It’s such an amazing thing to love someone so much that you’re willing to share your life with them forever. I know not all marriages are forever but even so, on that night when vows are said, in their minds it IS forever and I love that.
I love going to weddings with The Man’s family who is very much so MY family and we have a fantastic night of dancing and laughing together. I never take for granted the relationships I have with his family. I never take for granted the way they love me and love our children and the bonds that have been formed because of this love.
The Man has amazing parents and even though they’re divorced and remarried the step parents are just as amazing and just as much family as I am. His mom and step dad took our babies on a trip this week. Usually it’s Hannah and her cousin that go but this time Livie was finally old enough to get to go too. Hearing her go on and on all weekend about going to the lake with them even though she had no idea what exactly that was was priceless. She knew Hannah was excited and so she was excited too. But when they got there? The pictures and videos have been coming in steadily throughout the 3 days they’ve been gone and each one the kids look so happy. This is Livie’s first trip without me and while I hated that I wasn’t going to be there to photograph the whole entire thing, I looked forward to having some days to myself. Since Monday afternoon our house has been very quiet. I got to read without interruptions. I got to go to the rodeo without kids. We went to dinner without the kids. We went to a movie. We did things we normally would do anyway but without having to find a sitter…well it made it THAT much more fun. I’m home 24/7 with kids and y’all know I adore the life I have now. But we all know moms needs breaks too so I got a mini spring break this week as well. The girls come home today, though, and I’m ready. I’ll be picking them up in a couple of hours and I’ve got my camera ready because I’ve missed their faces. I’ve missed Livie’s cute expressions and baby talk. I’ve missed Hannah’s silly stories and watching her play with her sister. Moms do need breaks, yes, but we love it more when they come back home.
I love loving them and I’m ready to do that today with them with me and not an hour away.
Instagram block from this week so far:
I’m @TheBecksB if you want to follow my addiction.
I noticed the blue bonnets were out already for the spring. I know what we’ll be doing this week. Stay tuned.
Friday Random
I think I have about 6 or 28 posts titled “Friday Random” but that’s okay. Fridays are meant for random and simple blog posts. So here goes.
It rained all day today. It was the kind of rain that was misty and annoying. When I woke up and saw that I immediately thought “Man, I’m so glad it was so perfect for the first part of the week.” We may have not done much with the awesome weather earlier this week but I appreciated it just the same.
We did, however, spend some time outside at Nana’s.
Livie probably said 100 times ” MAMA!! Look at the roses! They’re SOOOO pretty!” Know what else she did 100 times? Use the potty. Our baby is almost done potty training.
The girls rode Hannah’s go kart…VERY slowly.
The kids played hide and seek.
Although mainly it was the 2 big kids hiding from Livie. When she found them? They ran to hide at the next spot.
I got Mr. Mans back yesterday after 2 weeks of not having him. His mom was on vacation and when she walked in the door with him…his smile said it all. He missed me.
I’ve had him for almost 9 months now and he’s definitely helped me handle the fact that we’re done having kids a lot easier than I would have without him. Sweet, tiny man he is.
Instagram block:
We have a yucky, rainy weekend ahead for us. I do have a wedding tomorrow night that I’m looking forward to. Other than that? Lots of cuddling ahead. Happy weekend!
But, I did bake bread
I’m starting off this post with an Instagram block because we took Hannah to the rodeo Sunday to see Big Time Rush and if you’re from Houston or from anywhere around here or if you know me you know that the rodeo is a big deal every year here. I used to only care about going for whatever concert was that night but the past couple years I’ve actually enjoyed watching the bull riding and the barrel racing…all the activities really because Hannah swears she’s going to be in the rodeo one day and I believe her. So I didn’t bring my camera but I DID take pictures on my phone and they’re in this block. Side note: Big Time Rush pretty much sucks and makes me miss NKOTB even more.
I’m @TheBecksB on there if you want to follow my addiction.
Since quitting my job 11 months ago life has taken a major change of pace for me. I thought that I’d get up and get ready early and have my whole day to run errands or spend time outside. Some days I do this. Most I don’t. Instead I drag myself out of bed like I always did, get Hannah (or both girls on Tuesdays and Thursdays) off to school, take my time drinking coffee on the couch and make sure that whatever I have planned for the day doesn’t start til at least 10 am.
That is Hannah right before school. 2 things about this picture. 1. I took it BEFORE 10 am which is a stretch for me lately. 2. Look at her. Takes my breath away when I see pictures of her. Looking at her in person compared to looking at pictures is different for me. She looks so grown up. She THINKS she’s grown up half the time but in this moment where she was just writing in her journal until I said it was time to go? Priceless.
It just so happens that on a sunny day right at about 10 am the sun shines through the living room so perfectly that I get amazing photos. It’s even better when Livie is on the couch and the sun shines through that amazing hair of hers. I take pictures of it any time I can.
I had plans yesterday to change it up. I may not have gotten up earlier than necessary or got ready before 10 BUT I was going to do 2 important things with my day. I was going to take Livie to the park because the skies were clear and it was a perfect 75 degrees.
That didn’t happen.
I was going to start potty training Livie. Again.
That mostly happened.
First this happened.
We had to deal with a you-can’t-have-a-Sharpie meltdown first. Then? Smooth sailing.
She only had 2 accidents yesterday. She’s at school today and the latest report from Nana (her teacher) is that she’s had no accidents today. I am so proud of my baby girl and I’m REALLY hoping and praying this is it and that she’ll be potty trained. I wasn’t in a rush for her to be trained but after buying diapers last week on a limited budget I thought ok, enough is enough. She’s 3 and these freakin things cost me $40 a month. Updates on this later this week.
So we didn’t make it to the park BUT, and that is a big but, I did bake bread.
Never in my life did I think I’d ever say those words. I only knew how to bake things out of a box or package. To bake something totally from scratch, bread no less, was never my cup of tea.
Until last week.
My mother in law insisted it was easy with our Deep Covered Baker from Pampered Chef (that I’m super obsessed with btw) so I baked a loaf last week. I made dough and let it rise and baked it and out came pure bread awesomeness.
I ate the whole thing by myself. I wish I was kidding.
So I baked more yesterday and this time I’m sharing it with The Man and other family. Let’s just say it’s the most delicious bread ever and I may or may not slather it in REAL butter.
I also may or may not have gained 3 pounds because of this bread.
Oh and 1 more quick thing before I go finish the Lifetime movie I’m watching…also not kidding about that either….
My baby trees we planted in the summer are getting new leaves!!!! I almost screamed when I noticed this the other day. I watered the crap out of those trees this summer and if you have been reading my blog for a while you know I babied those trees. It paid off. They made it through a season of losing their leaves and now they have buds and new leaves. So happy!
I’m off to finish that movie.
I’m ok with this because I DID go to the store today AND I baked bread. Twice.
(If you want the recipe for the bread email me at becky@lifeoutoffocus.com)
Friday random
After editing the pictures for this post I realized I only had one picture of Hannah and it’s not even one from my camera but an Instagram one. I hate that when I have an abundance of pictures of one kid and not the other. I feel like I’m favoring one over the other and that makes me feel awful and yet it kind of accurately portrays our week. Hannah spends more and more time in her room watching her shows or reading books or playing on her DSi while Livie is always around me. Plus she’s only in school 2 days a week vs. Hannah’s 5. Anyway, after realizing that a few minutes ago I’ll make sure to get more pictures of Hannah this week even if she protests because trust me, picture protesting goes on a lot from both girls. Livie’s just easier to bribe.
I’ll start the random off with more OCD-ness going on.
This is probably the last time I’ll post about this for a while cause I know y’all are all “Ok Becky. We get it. Livie has an obsession with lining her toys up.” Needless to say, it still brings me much amusement and I’ll probably keep taking pictures of it even if I don’t post them here.
I still have coffee with my mother in law every day except now we moved our coffee date to my house twice a week. It’s a nice little change of venue and while we still love going to Nana’s the other days, it’s nice to have Nana come over our house twice a week.
Watching Livie drawing has occupied my time more lately because I’m always curious to see which hand she’s holding her pen in. Sometimes it’s the right. Sometimes it’s the left. I know as time goes it’ll be more left and less right so I keep watching to see when that happens.
Watching her do anything though…kind of my obsession.
There will come a time like with Hannah when if I stare a little too long she’ll give me an annoyed look and say “What, Mom?” so I take advantage of longer glances now while I can.
But, Hannah doesn’t know that I stare a little longer when she’s not looking.
She loves make up.
This morning I finished a compact of powder so I let her have it with a make up sponge and I can’t even tell you in words that do it justice how excited she was. She kept saying things like “MAMA! I look SO pretty!” and “Oooh look! I love make up!” She walked around all day today with that empty compact patting her face with that sponge and talking about how pretty she looked.
Who know an empty compact would be so thrilling?
Friday Instagram:
I’m @TheBecksB on there if you want to follow me.
Lastly, this song. I am obsessed with it and have played it about 100 times today. Do yourself a favor and give it a listen.
Have a fantastic weekend!
A thank you with cute on top
It’s replies to my post from Monday, either by commenting here or emailing me, that make me wonder why people don’t blog. This community is amazing and when I took the time to spill my guts Monday (even though I didn’t plan on it!) you reached out to me and gave me advice or just let me know that you know what I mean and you’re right here with me.
Thank you. Truly. I only have a handful of steady readers. I appreciate the handful of you. This blog will never be main stream. It won’t be a “popular” blog or one that lots of people have heard of because it’s been featured on blogging websites or even in magazines. But it’s been my writing home for 6 years and many of you have been my readers for that long. So to all of you? Thank you for inspiring me and letting me know that you’re here, especially when I need it. I still have no answers as to how I’m going to curb the fighting or the major attitude so until then, I’ll blog about it and y’all will reply. I love that.
We took it easy this week. I had the baby I nanny for the first part of the week so we made those days stay at home days for the most part. It was rainy and muggy so the plans I had to walk to the lake again fell through. So Livie and I watched endless episodes of Mickey Mouse while she played with her toys and I caught up on my online life.
I’ve noticed a couple things about Livie the past few weeks. The first is that she’s into strict organizational rituals. If she has two toys she lines them up in a perfect straight line either facing each other or herself. If she’s eating, she lines up her cup with her bowl and they each have to face her in a certain way. I call her my little OCD baby which is fine with me because I’m constantly cleaning up after everyone and if she turns into a person who’s crazy about clean? Hooray!
The other thing is that I think she’s going to be left handed like her dad. Her left foot is significantly bigger than her right and she holds her pencil in both hands when she writes. She also uses each hand when she eats. The confusion along with her foot leads me to believe she’ll be left handed and just hasn’t figured that out yet. The Man hasn’t admitted it, but I can tell that he’s secretly happy that he’s got a lefty kid just like him.
Yesterday was Western day at school for Livie and her cousin. I had been eyeballing this boutique dress for a while and I was so happy when my mother in law surprised me with it for her birthday. It’s kind of a present for me more than her. On Wednesday she showed up with red boots for the dress. The Man’s cousin who is my bow maker made some bows to match and the cuteness explosion that happened yesterday is too much for words.
They’re only 10 months apart and inseperable when they’re together. Her mom and I love it and it’s become a mission for us to dress them alike when we can and tell them 100 times how cute they look with an occasional “You better smile!” when I take their pictures.
My mother in law and I were just discussing the other day about how much Liv has grown up since her birthday. It seems ridiculous to say and yet it’s true. It just seems like turning 3 made her grow up so much more. She’s not a baby anymore even though I still refer to her as “the baby.” She’s turned into this little lady and it makes me so happy that when she sees the little outfits I get her and the bows I’ve had made for her that she yells “I wanna wear that!!!” It’s no secret that I’m obsessed with frills and bows and ruffles. How could I not be? It’s so fun!
Today’s outfit choice. She was happy.
Today’s Instagram block:
I’m @TheBecksB on there if you want to follow me.
Thankful it’s the weekend and thankful for all y’all.
Random motherhood ramblings
It’s safe to say that I lose count after about the 4 times a day that I have to yell at the girls to stop fighting. I also admit that when the baby comes to me crying about something Hannah did or Hannah comes running to tattle on something Livie did I stand there and half listen/half get angry. I know they will fight. It’s a rite of passage. And I guess it’s a rite of passage for me as mother to deal with their fighting. However, I’m not “that” kind of mom. I will never grab the 2 of them and sit them down and ask what the problem is, think of a fair solution, hug it out, and send them off to play. It’s just never going to happen. It’s more of a “Y’ALL KNOCK IT OFF RIGHT NOW!” kind of handling I do and I’m ok with that. It doesn’t fix anything but it actually usually does work.
So the fighting has increased the older Livie gets and the more she knows what she wants, who she is, and HOW she wants to play. It’s not just let-Hannah-decide kind of play like it used to be which results in Hannah getting mad because for 3 years she’s been the boss and Livie’s mad because she wants to be the boss. It all has my head spinning, let that be known.
Motherhood takes its toll on me a lot. The nights that The Man works late it’s not above me to send him a “when you get home, I’m running away” text from time to time. I’ve never actually ran away…but I’ve wanted to.
More than once.
I’m not really sure why I’m saying this all except to say that being a mom that doesn’t work has it’s own set of challenges different (and some alike) from putting in a 12 hour work day and THEN coming home and handling fighting kids. I’ve done both kinds of mothering now and I gotta say, neither one is easier than the other. I still want to run away some days. I still cry and feel defeated some days. Most days are good. Some can be insane. All are part of being a mother and I embrace them all, trying or not.
These constant arguments the girls have brought to me lately have definitely challenged me in new ways and I’ve learned that I am way more capable as a mother than I ever thought I’d be. Handling Hannah entering the tween years was the tip of the iceburg as I now I have an almost tween and a toddler who is losing more and more of the baby-ness about her and is gaining more and more independence and individual thoughts. Being a mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I realize that is one of the most cliche sentences ever written but it’s true. I’m 30 and I look back wondering how the heck I got here so fast. I’m no longer a young adult barely in her 20s with opinions that older adults wrote off as “immature” or “silly.” I don’t hear anyone tell me anymore “Just wait until you’re older and you’ll realize yadda yadda.” Instead I’m the one saying this to my younger sister or sister in law or cousins. A lot of growing up happens from 20 to 30. When I think about all that I’ve learned and how much I’ve grown as a mother in the past 9 years I’ve been one…well, it’s a lot. I think it’d be different if I became a mom at 30 and then looked back from 40…I feel like once you hit your 30s you’re pretty settled on WHO you are and HOW you’ll be in regards to life and its decisions. But from 20 to 30? SO different.
Maybe I’m the only person who feels this way?
I don’t know why I just typed this all out. Every now and then I start to ramble about something totally different than what I intended to post but it turns out to be something that I probably needed to get out and so there it is. Being a mother in my 30s is going to present many new challeges as I’ll be raising TWO teenage girls through them but I feel so much more grounded and solid in my beliefs and ideas as a mom and I feel like I’m way better equipped to handle it now than I was when I first held Hannah at the young age of 21.
Today as I broke up yet another fight between the girls as Livie cried to me and pointed to Hannah I remembered I took these on Friday.
I still pray to God that my girls will always get along and have a strong sister relationship despite their age difference because there’s something about being siblings together as kids and growing up together in the same house with the same parents that bonds you. I may not be super close to my sisters but whenever one of them calls me and says “You know how such and such was back then” or “Rememeber when we did this and went there?” or “Remember when Mom said this and Dad said that?” I can say “Yes! I totally remember that!” when no one else can because we’re sisters and we were together all the time. I want that for them…I want more for them actually.
I literally pray about that for these two because it’s THAT important to me and really, anything that is important to me I try to pray about often. The life I have now? I prayed for it. That’s a whole other story meant for another day but yes, I pray my girls get along always and stay close and have inside jokes and take trips together and their kids be best friends. Big dreams, yes. Can they come true? Absolutely.
Instagram block:
A long winded, all over the place post from me. How Monday-ish, huh?
Stick a fork in me…
Cause I’m done.
There aren’t many words to sum in our Valentine’s Day. This year, pictures do it all.
Livie and her cousin after school yesterday…
Even a Valentine’s Day Instagram collage:
See? Done.
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