one of my very dear friends had a miscarriage at 15 weeks last year in november. it’s been 1 year since it all happened. she has a little boy who’s 3. he was 2 at the time they started trying to get pregnant. when she had the miscarriage her whole world was turned upside down. and that was right at about the time that me and Hubs had been trying for a few months and decided to take a break. so we grieved together and together decided to start trying again in january. which was this past jan of 08. month after month we complained together…we cried together….we talked to eachother through it. and even laughed at the fact that we were both so young (same bdays!!!) and got pregnant with our 1st babies so easily and why on earth was it taking so long this time around??? we prayed together….we emailed. everything. we were in this together. so when i got pregnant in june, she was of course happy for me. but then i noticed her sorta act distant. and now months later…we barely talk at all. she emailed me about 2 months ago and told me that she was still so happy for me…but it was too hard to talk to me because they were still trying…she’s in the midst of TONS of fertility testing with NO answers and she’s sick of it all. she said she loved me but she just couldn’t handle being in constant contact with me like she was. i totally get it. cuz i was the same way before i got pregnant. i was inwardly bitter toward pregnant women. it hurt. but when it was MY friend who was the bitter one still and I was the one who was pregnant….now i was on the other side. and i could see the other side finally. and it hurts. i miss her so much. and i know it’s hard for her to watch my belly grow every month but it’s hard for ME to not have her anymore. i dont hold it against her. but i miss her. so i can see both sides now. i remember how much it hurt to not be pregnant. and how much trying to get pregnant sucked. and how if one more person told me “it’ll happen” i would explode. but i also know how it feels to be that pregnant girl who gets looked at….or loses friends because God finally gave her her miracle.

i read in another blog that it’s called Pregnancy Guilt- it’s a lot like survivor’s guilt. you’re so happy to be pregnant but you feel so bad for the ones you left behind. the ones who are still trying.

and i have nothing really of substance to say. i’m 23 weeks pregnant now. in a week i’ll be 6 months along. it’s SORT of going by fast. and by sort of i mean sometimes it is and sometimes it’s not. i have one tidbit of good fun info…i FINALLY picked out a crib that i want to get. i wasn’t going to even get a crib. but i just feel like if i’m going to honestly work on Nimmie NOT sleeping with us like Nettie did for years and years…well i’m gonna need a crib to do that, aren’t I? plus i feel like she should get all the stuff Nettie had…and Nettie had a crib with the bedding and a whole room made up just for her. and just because we’re not moving the bed out of the guest room doesn’t mean i still can’t make it a baby room for her, you know? so as much as i love the dark cherry wood cribs and the white cribs a blonde wood crib works best in that room because of the furniture (that i do detest by the way) that is in that room.

so i’m glad i’m settled on that. i’m going to register after thanksgiving for all Nimmie’s stuff. i’m super excited about that.

another busy weekend is in store for us. what else is new…lol. hope yall have a good one.

= me. the other night i was home all alone and got upset about something legit. what was NOT legit was my crazy reaction of being mad all evening and then breaking out into a sob fest when i got into bed. i swear it’s the hardest i’ve cried in ages. over something which in my opinion hadn’t warranted such a reaction.

i’m thinking i won’t miss the pregnancy hormones. and neither will my family and friends.

in other news, my lens comes in tomorrow!