Remember reading those Choose Your Own Adventure books as kids? Even back then when I’d read them I’d always chose the path that seemed like it’d be easier. The ending was always happy because I gave up the thrill of picking the more challenging route but I was okay with that because a happy ending always trumped all else to me.
I’m still like this.
I haven’t blogged in 2 weeks about my life. I’ve been busy getting my classroom ready at my new job at our church’s Mother’s Day Out program. Hannah went back to school Monday. It’s been a hectic, really good, past 2 weeks and yet I found time to sit and think because I’m super good at that. I started thinking about where I’d be now if I had chose a different path in life. Usually when I think about that it leads me to think about NOT having The Man and NOT having my girls or his family and I stop right there because I can’t imagine my life without any of them. But this week I allowed myself to really go there…to think about what would be different. What if I had decided that I didn’t want to move to Texas with The Man? What if I wouldn’t have married him? What if I finished college?
My brain has the awesome ability to go off on these tangents and I’ll notice it’s been 30 minutes and I’m still sitting there picturing my life. Would my dad still be alive because maybe if I was up there seeing how bad off he was, I could have intervened somehow? Would my mom be as bad off as she is now because I’d be up there to help her more? Would I be happy being a nurse because that’s what I was majoring in in college? Would I still be in Ohio near my family and old friends or would I have moved elsewhere anyway just to get away? Would I have married my 10th grade boyfriend that I was so sure I was going to marry even after our sad break up? Would my senior year best friend still be my best friend? Everything in my life would be so very different. When you move away you change everything. All of the people that are in my life now here in Houston or online are because of the love I had for The Man and the very happy decision I made to move with him.
But what if I wouldn’t have made it? Where would I be now?
The blessing and the curse of those questions are that I have no idea. I’m not supposed to know.
When I read those books as a kid, after I finished, I’d cheat and go back and read the other path I could have taken just to see what would have happened. I sometimes wish I could do that now…not to ever go back and change the choices I made because I know that the choices I made brought me where I am today and I love where I am today…but I guess just to cheat a little, if you will, and see what might have been. I’m so grateful that at least I wonder that with pure curiosity and not disdain.
So there ya go. That’s what happens when I get lost in reading books and stay off Twitter. I end up thinking random things that end up all detailed when I didn’t mean them to be. Welcome to my brain.
So last week was our last week of summer break. We swam. We played outside. And Livie decided about 3 weeks ago that she wasn’t going to wear clothes anymore if she’s home.
And then school started and I couldn’t wait to hear about my 4th grader’s first day. She sent me a text from the bus saying “All most home!” and I smiled because it’s cute how she spelled that. So I became THAT mom who stands in her driveway waiting for her baby to round the corner.
So far she’s loving 4th grade and she loves her teacher. It’s a start, right? Livie starts Pre K 3 next week with me at my job. Dear time, please slow down. Thanks.
Friday (major catch up) Instagram:
I’m @TheBecksB if you want to follow me.
Who knows when I’ll have time or be inspired to blog again so in the meantime please follow me on Instagram or Twitter (you can find me on the side bar at each place!) and also? Read an Indie book. Or 5. Or 10. They’ll change your life. I’ve been sucked in but in a good way.
For the past few weeks I’ve been preoccupied with doing more with the girls and doing less photography wise and housework wise. This week is the last week of summer vacation so I don’t see this week being any different. I did get a few cute shots this week though with my phone and 1 with my actual camera. Posting will continue to be light as we get ready for Hannah to start a new school and go into 3rd grade which I hear is a tough grade.
So, have a fantastic week and I’ll see you next week!
I know you’ve had these moments before…the kind that stop you dead in your tracks and they take you back to a memory or a time that feels like you just lived it yesterday and not years ago.
This weekend we had family and friends over. We laughed and ate and had fun. We took pictures. But today I just wasn’t feeling it to blog about it or even post the pictures.
I’m addicted to the show Glee. And on that show last season they sang Somewhere Over the Rainbow. It’s that newer version of the song that’s so pretty and if you click on that link you can see it. So I’ve been downloading songs from iTunes for my phone from Glee and I listen to them anytime I need a pick me up because the music from that show is just amazing. I was driving and that song came on. All of a sudden I was transported to about 20 years ago and I could see this all clear as day in front of me as I drove.
My dad was there playing his guitar singing this song….the Wizard of Oz version. I could see him close his eyes and I could hear his voice and I could see his fingers on the strings. I don’t know how I kept driving to be honest because all I could see or hear was this moment. I snapped out of it when a tear rolled down my cheek. Just one tear but a sad one nonetheless. My dad wasn’t a huge part of my life to be honest and I mourn that fact everyday. So many days go by where I don’t think of him. He wasn’t involved in the day to day things like The Man is or my girls are that God forbid, if something should happen to them, I’d think about them every second because so much of my day revolves around them. And I guess that’s why this all caught me off guard and upset me so much. Out of nowhere my dad showed up….a vivid, colorful memory that I probably haven’t thought about again since it actually happened.
It was nice.
And I truly feel that for some reason he was there in my car letting me know that he’s thinking about me too and he picked that moment to let me know.
It was nice, that moment. That’s what’s on my mind today.