Marriage trips
So reflecting back on what I said on Wednesday—Hubs and I thrive on our time alone. I’m a firm believer in couples having time to themselves without other people…without kids. JUST with eachother. Before Livie came, we had this a lot. At least once a week. And any time we DIDN’T have that one night a week, well let’s just say we could tell. We bickered more. We nitpicked more. And then I’d say ” Oh yeah! We haven’t had date night in a couple weeks. NO WONDER!” When Becky and Hubs don’t have time alone Becky and Hubs get a little crazy.
True story.
When Livie came, those date nights came few and far between. For one, she was so attached to me. For another, Hubs’ mom wasn’t too interested in having a tiny baby overnight like she did when she had Hannah overnight because Hannah’s 7 now and she’s moved on past that stage. Plus Livie isn’t the 1st grandkid like Hannah was either. I understood that so we just didn’t have many nights alone. Really, ANY time alone. Then Livie started letting us lay her down at night and we could have a glass of wine and watch a movie and FINALLY have time together to just BE together before we went to bed. And then something changed. MIL started keeping Livie overnight once a week with Hannah. That was 2 months ago. And let me tell you, the improvement in our marriage from just 5 months ago when we started having time alone at night to his mom keeping Livie overnight is major compared to when Livie was about 3 months old and we barely spoke anything but baby talk to eachother. I can now say that having Livie put a strain on our marriage. And it all circled back around to not having time together….not reconnecting at the end of the day…or even at the end of the week.
So this weekend we’re going away together. Just me and him. We haven’t done this since I was 4 months pregnant with Livie. It’s been that long. We used to get trips away together once or even twice a year. It’s been a year and a 1/2 and we NEED it. I realize that not every couple is like us. They don’t HAVE to have time alone to function great together. But this is us I’m talking about. And I’m telling you- WE NEED IT. Promise you.
And that’s really the advice I give to people who ask me what our secret it. It isn’t perfection. It isn’t no arguing or no going to bed mad at eachother, because we do both of those plenty. It’s time alone. It’s dinner alone. It’s movies alone. It’s TV time alone. It’s trips away alone.
With that said, I can’t wait to leave tomorrow.
To snip or not to snip- that is the question.
Hubs and I have decided that our family is complete. That means no more babies. He’s 30 and I’m 28. We both said that once we get into our 30s we wanted to be done having kids and spend the time focusing on raising the kids we had already. When I was having Livie, my 2nd c section baby, my doctor asked me if I wanted to get my tubes tied. That was not a good time to ask me. Here I was about to deliver the child that lived in me. The child I felt inside of me for months. The child we already loved so much. And we all know how much I love being pregnant. So in my state of weepy-ness and my deliriousness (is that a word?) thinking that this could not be the final time I ever feel this again, I said no. No. Because we HAVE to have more. This can’t be it.
Well that was before I spent every night from that night up until THE PRESENT as in NOW never sleeping a whole night again. Livie STILL does not sleep all night. That was before our checkbook was in the minus more than a few times because we’re learning to RE-budget STILL after adding a person to our financial situation. That was before I thought about paying for private school for TWO children…let alone 3. Or 4. *faints*
That was before we realized that the love we have for our 2 kids and the love our 2 kids have for us is enough.
So I told Hubs he needs to get the snip done. Everytime I mention that to him, he shudders and cringes. Although progress has been made. Whereas before when I mentioned it, he would say “absolutely not, no way in hell, you should have gotten your tubes tied”—NOW he says “I need to be knocked out…you should have gotten your tubes tied.” To which I reply “I was sliced open through MANY layers of flesh to birth TWO children. I had a WHOLE PERSON removed from me TWICE. And I was AWAKE. Man up. Stop being a pussy”.
So the snip used to be a question. Now it’s more so a must.
He’s gonna do this. He just doesn’t know it yet. Updates coming in the future.
Perfect
The other day I took it upon myself to bitch and moan about Hubs on twitter. I only did this because 1. I was THAT mad and 2. my tweets are protected. I’ve never done this before. I rarely ever tell my friends when I’m angry with him. And if I DO tell them, I don’t go into detail. That’s just how I am. I don’t need my “dirty laundry” exposed for the world to see. That’s our business. So one of my very dear friends let me know that she likes to think that me and Hubs don’t argue or fight and that we’re always perfect together. I laughed and thought it was cute that she wanted that image of our lives in her head. Another friend of mine told me a few months ago that if Hubs and I didn’t work out she’d lose faith in marriage all together because we are the perfect couple. It’s nice to hear things like that. If only it were true. I will be the first to say that me and Hubs are a perfect match. But we also argue and bicker and have our bad days like every other couple. BUT they’re not huge fights. They’re fights over socks or dishes or chores. We’ve probably only had 2 big time major blow outs that required some work to get back to where we are. It’s been 11 years on working things out for us. We’re pros at it now. I promised my friend that I’d let her keep that image of us though in her head and not complain about Hubs on twitter anymore.
That’s what my blog is for anyway, right?
And out of our imperfect relationship, we sure did SOME things that are perfect 
Cheating
my thoughts i’m having randomly at the moment. i was joking with tara telling her that i wanted to go with Hubs to this thing at his friends house saturday cuz all the guys and their wives/gfriends will be there and i wanted to show my face and socialize (even though we’re pressed for time and not sure if we can make it or not). so that my face is fresh in these guys minds. so that they can remember me as the one that will kill them if they encouraged or supported Hubs in any wrong doings, mainly cheating or fraternizing among women, such as naked women in strip clubs. as these are all the guys he works with and spends the most time with. so they’re the ones i’m most concerned with. and then i thought, hm, i wonder if Hubs would tell THEIR wives if they were cheating on them. and then i thought how retarded that argument is because if one of my friends was cheating on her man i wouldn’t go to her man and tell him. i’d feel sorry for the sucker but i just wouldn’t betray my friends trust. even if she IS betraying her man’s trust. so is this normal? i mean i know i’d be hiding something terrible and i know i’d wanna know if i was being cheated on….but no, i guess i wouldn’t expect HIS friends to tell me. if MY friends knew i’d expect it. we dont really have mutual friends, THANK GOD, because then i really dont know what i’d do. what do you guys think? how would you handle this crap?
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