Weekend busies
When I got in bed last night I thought to myself “Man, that was a busy weekend.” Yet it wasn’t super busy per se but rather just full. We didn’t have a list of things we HAD to do. Instead we just did things we wanted to do and took advantage of the warm winter we’re having.
Liv and I went to the park alone for a little date. The Man and Hannah had a birthday party to go to so we had a little fun of our own.
She wanted to go in the baby swing but I convinced her she can sit in the big girl swing. She was so scared at first and didn’t even want me to push her but then she got brave.
She swang for a while and let me push her higher and higher each time.
The slide has always been her favorite thing though and after a while of swinging she told me “I done. I wanna slide.” She went up and down that slide, each time yelling “I’M GONNA DO IT AGAIN!”
That evening Hannah came running in asking if she could help our neighbor with her bake sale. I looked outside and sure enough the little girl next door that Hannah plays with a lot was having a bake sale in her driveway.
I mean, really? How cute is that?
Yesterday morning the girls had breakfast like they always do on the weekends at the little table in our living room while watching Spongebob.
I saw the sun shining through that window so perfectly and it was then that I decided we were going to go feed the ducks at the pond. The last time they didn’t care at all about the bread and while I knew they probably wouldn’t again this time, it was the point behind it that mattered.
By the time I got Livie out of her carseat the big girls had already thrown the hotdog buns in the water. Whole. I got there just in time to see the last bun sinking in the water. Livie didn’t even get to throw any. I kind of got upset for a second because I had this whole image in my mind of getting pictures of the girls playfully throwing pieces of bread in the water and MAYBE even ducks coming to eat it.
If I know anything about parenting it’s improvising. So many things happen that aren’t planned and you just have to go with it and change the plans. So I told the girls to just go run around and have fun doing what they wanna do.
What I learned? They don’t really care so much about feeding the ducks there. Actually, they don’t even care about the ducks at all. They cared about running around doing what they wanted to do….
Like finding seashells…
Or picking flowers…
Or jumping around on a hill.
The day turned out to be pretty good even if the ducks didn’t care about the bread…and the girls didn’t care about the ducks.
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By the way, OCD Livie is still around.
I find more and more toys lined up by each other perfectly and facing the same direction.
If I move anything and she sees me she freaks out and tells me to not touch her stuff. It takes everything in me to not laugh when she does it. She’s highly disturbed by me moving any of her things she’s lined up. So I leave them and take pictures instead.
Monday Instagram:
I’m @TheBecksB if you want to follow my addiction.
Today was a good Monday to follow suit from the weekend. Enjoy your week.
A thank you with cute on top
It’s replies to my post from Monday, either by commenting here or emailing me, that make me wonder why people don’t blog. This community is amazing and when I took the time to spill my guts Monday (even though I didn’t plan on it!) you reached out to me and gave me advice or just let me know that you know what I mean and you’re right here with me.
Thank you. Truly. I only have a handful of steady readers. I appreciate the handful of you. This blog will never be main stream. It won’t be a “popular” blog or one that lots of people have heard of because it’s been featured on blogging websites or even in magazines. But it’s been my writing home for 6 years and many of you have been my readers for that long. So to all of you? Thank you for inspiring me and letting me know that you’re here, especially when I need it. I still have no answers as to how I’m going to curb the fighting or the major attitude so until then, I’ll blog about it and y’all will reply. I love that.
We took it easy this week. I had the baby I nanny for the first part of the week so we made those days stay at home days for the most part. It was rainy and muggy so the plans I had to walk to the lake again fell through. So Livie and I watched endless episodes of Mickey Mouse while she played with her toys and I caught up on my online life.
I’ve noticed a couple things about Livie the past few weeks. The first is that she’s into strict organizational rituals. If she has two toys she lines them up in a perfect straight line either facing each other or herself. If she’s eating, she lines up her cup with her bowl and they each have to face her in a certain way. I call her my little OCD baby which is fine with me because I’m constantly cleaning up after everyone and if she turns into a person who’s crazy about clean? Hooray!
The other thing is that I think she’s going to be left handed like her dad. Her left foot is significantly bigger than her right and she holds her pencil in both hands when she writes. She also uses each hand when she eats. The confusion along with her foot leads me to believe she’ll be left handed and just hasn’t figured that out yet. The Man hasn’t admitted it, but I can tell that he’s secretly happy that he’s got a lefty kid just like him.
Yesterday was Western day at school for Livie and her cousin. I had been eyeballing this boutique dress for a while and I was so happy when my mother in law surprised me with it for her birthday. It’s kind of a present for me more than her. On Wednesday she showed up with red boots for the dress. The Man’s cousin who is my bow maker made some bows to match and the cuteness explosion that happened yesterday is too much for words.
They’re only 10 months apart and inseperable when they’re together. Her mom and I love it and it’s become a mission for us to dress them alike when we can and tell them 100 times how cute they look with an occasional “You better smile!” when I take their pictures.
My mother in law and I were just discussing the other day about how much Liv has grown up since her birthday. It seems ridiculous to say and yet it’s true. It just seems like turning 3 made her grow up so much more. She’s not a baby anymore even though I still refer to her as “the baby.” She’s turned into this little lady and it makes me so happy that when she sees the little outfits I get her and the bows I’ve had made for her that she yells “I wanna wear that!!!” It’s no secret that I’m obsessed with frills and bows and ruffles. How could I not be? It’s so fun!
Today’s outfit choice. She was happy.
Today’s Instagram block:
I’m @TheBecksB on there if you want to follow me.
Thankful it’s the weekend and thankful for all y’all.
Random motherhood ramblings
It’s safe to say that I lose count after about the 4 times a day that I have to yell at the girls to stop fighting. I also admit that when the baby comes to me crying about something Hannah did or Hannah comes running to tattle on something Livie did I stand there and half listen/half get angry. I know they will fight. It’s a rite of passage. And I guess it’s a rite of passage for me as mother to deal with their fighting. However, I’m not “that” kind of mom. I will never grab the 2 of them and sit them down and ask what the problem is, think of a fair solution, hug it out, and send them off to play. It’s just never going to happen. It’s more of a “Y’ALL KNOCK IT OFF RIGHT NOW!” kind of handling I do and I’m ok with that. It doesn’t fix anything but it actually usually does work.
So the fighting has increased the older Livie gets and the more she knows what she wants, who she is, and HOW she wants to play. It’s not just let-Hannah-decide kind of play like it used to be which results in Hannah getting mad because for 3 years she’s been the boss and Livie’s mad because she wants to be the boss. It all has my head spinning, let that be known.
Motherhood takes its toll on me a lot. The nights that The Man works late it’s not above me to send him a “when you get home, I’m running away” text from time to time. I’ve never actually ran away…but I’ve wanted to.
More than once.
I’m not really sure why I’m saying this all except to say that being a mom that doesn’t work has it’s own set of challenges different (and some alike) from putting in a 12 hour work day and THEN coming home and handling fighting kids. I’ve done both kinds of mothering now and I gotta say, neither one is easier than the other. I still want to run away some days. I still cry and feel defeated some days. Most days are good. Some can be insane. All are part of being a mother and I embrace them all, trying or not.
These constant arguments the girls have brought to me lately have definitely challenged me in new ways and I’ve learned that I am way more capable as a mother than I ever thought I’d be. Handling Hannah entering the tween years was the tip of the iceburg as I now I have an almost tween and a toddler who is losing more and more of the baby-ness about her and is gaining more and more independence and individual thoughts. Being a mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I realize that is one of the most cliche sentences ever written but it’s true. I’m 30 and I look back wondering how the heck I got here so fast. I’m no longer a young adult barely in her 20s with opinions that older adults wrote off as “immature” or “silly.” I don’t hear anyone tell me anymore “Just wait until you’re older and you’ll realize yadda yadda.” Instead I’m the one saying this to my younger sister or sister in law or cousins. A lot of growing up happens from 20 to 30. When I think about all that I’ve learned and how much I’ve grown as a mother in the past 9 years I’ve been one…well, it’s a lot. I think it’d be different if I became a mom at 30 and then looked back from 40…I feel like once you hit your 30s you’re pretty settled on WHO you are and HOW you’ll be in regards to life and its decisions. But from 20 to 30? SO different.
Maybe I’m the only person who feels this way?
I don’t know why I just typed this all out. Every now and then I start to ramble about something totally different than what I intended to post but it turns out to be something that I probably needed to get out and so there it is. Being a mother in my 30s is going to present many new challeges as I’ll be raising TWO teenage girls through them but I feel so much more grounded and solid in my beliefs and ideas as a mom and I feel like I’m way better equipped to handle it now than I was when I first held Hannah at the young age of 21.
Today as I broke up yet another fight between the girls as Livie cried to me and pointed to Hannah I remembered I took these on Friday.
I still pray to God that my girls will always get along and have a strong sister relationship despite their age difference because there’s something about being siblings together as kids and growing up together in the same house with the same parents that bonds you. I may not be super close to my sisters but whenever one of them calls me and says “You know how such and such was back then” or “Rememeber when we did this and went there?” or “Remember when Mom said this and Dad said that?” I can say “Yes! I totally remember that!” when no one else can because we’re sisters and we were together all the time. I want that for them…I want more for them actually.
I literally pray about that for these two because it’s THAT important to me and really, anything that is important to me I try to pray about often. The life I have now? I prayed for it. That’s a whole other story meant for another day but yes, I pray my girls get along always and stay close and have inside jokes and take trips together and their kids be best friends. Big dreams, yes. Can they come true? Absolutely.
Instagram block:
A long winded, all over the place post from me. How Monday-ish, huh?
Stick a fork in me…
Cause I’m done.
There aren’t many words to sum in our Valentine’s Day. This year, pictures do it all.
Livie and her cousin after school yesterday…
Even a Valentine’s Day Instagram collage:
See? Done.
She turned 3
Saturday morning we woke up and I told The Man “Today is her last day to be 2.”
A simple statement but it meant a lot.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while you know how I am with birthdays. Even if we don’t do them up big, they’re still a big deal. Life is precious and the fact that my baby was about to be 3 years old meant a lot to me. I remember 3 with Hannah. It’s a big year. I’m so excited for it. A lot of change happens with 3 and I’m ready for it.
But, I was kind of sad to say bye to 2 too. 2 was a good, good year. We spent the day with our 2 year old getting ready for her to turn 3. Then yesterday came.
The stage was set.
I spent all day transforming my dining room into a Tangled paradise. This is the first year that Livie really understood what her birthday was and she spent all last week telling everyone that her “buthday pawty at Mama’s” was coming soon. She couldn’t wait to see her cake and open her presents. It was a big deal to her.
I even spent some time getting the perfect outfit together for her. A Tangled ensemble. I will NOT humbly admit that I said about 3 times yesterday that I created such a beautiful outfit for her and she looked amazing. Thankfully I have people that know how to make awesome bows and amazing shirts for such occassions. How I’ll top this next year? Not quite sure. Side note: God knew what He was doing when he gave me girls. Once I started picking out decorations and creating this outfit and then actually putting up decorations and getting Liv dressed…I was SO in my element. There’s something about little girl decorations and little girl clothes…it’s just so special and dreamy….and SO me. Thank you Lord. Both of my girls’ frilly birthday parties and frilly outfits is what I pictured before I had kids…what I pictured I’d do with my daughters some day. Grateful He gave me daughters…
I digressed.
Little stinker barely wanted to smile for pics or even take a picture with me. She didn’t nap long enough and wanted her Aunt Mimi so Aunt Mimi she got and I just worked around her crabbiness.
But then she smiled…and never stopped.
She blew out her candle 4 times. After the 1st time and hearing all of us say “YAY!!!” she said “I wanna try it again!” so we let her. 4 times.
Instagram birthday party collage:
It was a perfect day with a house full of family and friends and our baby girl who proudly turned 3 and loved her “buthday pawty”.
Instagram goodness from last week and earlier this past weekend:
I will admit a few times I’ve considered not blogging anymore. But yesterday for a moment I thought about how Hannah had just turned 3 when I started this blog. That was a little over 6 years ago. Some of you have been with me since day 1 and I appreciate that. I’ve enjoyed watching your kids grow up…and it’s been a blessing to me to go back and watch my girls grow up all over again. I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry. I just wanted to share that little moment I had yesterday because like I said, life is precious. I’ve documented both of my girls’ lives on this blog…Livie since the day we found out we were pregnant with her. She’s 3 now and I’m slightly in denial about that. Then again, when am I NOT in denial about my girls getting older?
It’s gonna be a mundane, mostly at home, kind of week. We welcome it.
Happy 3rd birthday to our baby girl.
Fear…and smiles
Know what feeling I hate?
Fear.
Fear sucks. So on Monday when Hannah didn’t get home from the bus at her usual time I began to panic as I very easily do. 10 minutes late. 15 minutes late. 18 minutes late. I walked around the block to make sure she wasn’t just talking to a friend around the corner. She wasn’t. I called the school to make sure she got on the bus. No answer. I emailed her teacher. She said she went with the other students to get on the bus. Finally another father looking for his daughter stopped me and that’s when I relaxed knowing that the bus was just late and it wasn’t just HER that didn’t get off the bus. She walked in the door 5 minutes later and relief swept over me. Hannah and I have had very hard times lately. Lots of arguments and grounding and “You’re mean, Mom”s have happened lately. As much as I complain about our rough patch that has lasted longer than I would like, there is nothing worse than worrying about your child unless something actually happens to them. I pray that is a feeling I’ll never feel. Worrying is bad enough and we’ve had our fair share of worrying this month.
Turns out a kid puked on the bus and they had to get off til it was cleaned up.
We had a good evening that evening without any arguing or bickering.
Livie is going to be 3 in 4 days.
THREE years old.
Believe it or not, it’s hard for me to get a picture of her smiling. I practically have to jump on my head and talk like a ridiculous freak to get her to even crack a smile half the time for a picture. This was her trying her hardest to NOT smile for me because she wanted to watch TV instead of let me take a couple pictures of her.
I caught her. A tiny grin. I have stared at this picture for a few minutes now. I love it. I love how innocent she still is. I love our days together. I love that she’s only 3…even if 3 seems so big to us.
But then I caught her laughing.
Score.
Instagram!!!!!!:
Birthday party recap coming Monday!
Enjoy the rest of your week.
This weekend I loved…
Watching Livie eat ice cream. A simple thing, yes. But she loves her ice cream and there’s something about her face when she’s eating it that gets me every time. And after our whole hospital ordeal…well I appreciate anything that makes her smile a little more than before.
Watching my girls play together. Lately it’s hit or miss with them but I spotted them out back talking and I didn’t want to interrupt the moment so I shot these through my kitchen window.
Watching Livie’s newly perfected hobby: hanging off the chairs in the living room. I’ve told her 100 times that she’s going to fall and get hurt and all her obstinate “NO!”‘s have paid off. She’s mastered it and now I don’t worry about her doing it…that much.
Seeing her excitement when one of my best friends from Ohio, Auntie Mo, sends her a new tutu and bow. She still has it on today, 24 hours later.
Instagram break!
Today I’m loving a boring, mundane, perfect day at home.
Still in love with her profile and her serious face, by the way. Actually, I’m just in love with her face. Period.
Progress has been made on the planning her party front too. The theme has been picked (Repunzel/Tangled) and the shirt I’m having made for her will be ready tomorrow. The rest is on a big to do list in my phone and slowly I’ll tackle it this week. Have a good week.
It’s Livie’s last one to be 2. We are gonna soak it up!
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